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Monday, April 8, 2019

Ghosting in Japan | Why Japanese People Like to Ghost

If you have been living in Japan for any length of time or if you have spent a great amount of time in search of penpals, long distance relationships, or language exchange partners then you have probably heard countless excuses from your Japanese friends and dates from claiming to be studying for their finals and working overtime to their sick mother needing 24/7 support. While it is possible that there really is a lot of stuff going on in their life at the moment its extremely unlikely that they can't text or call you before work, during their lunch break or after work/school. Let's also not forget that most people have their weekends off and most Japanese people endlessly scroll their phones during their lunch break and commute to and from work. If you suspect that you're being ghosted then you're probably right. Trust your gut and try your best to move on. 

If you're in a relationship with a Japanese guy and you suspect that your being played you can watch this video and read the blog post as well here...


 YouTube Video: 25 Signs That You're Dating a Japanese Fuckboy
Blog Post: 25 Signs That You're Dating a Japanese Fuckboy

You can also watch my YouTube video on this blog post her...







Ghosting in Japan



So what is "ghosting"? Ghosting is the act of someone who was once seemingly very close to you (usually in a romantic way) suddenly disappearing or fading away overtime.
Japanese people choose to ghost for a variety of reasons but the most common excuses are to avoid having a heartbreaking conversation with someone that they once loved and to avoid having feelings of guilt by coming clean and explaining what their real intentions were from the start.
The most important thing that you have to understand is that begging for the other person to stay or to tell you why is not going to make you feel any better. It is very much indeed possible that it was never your fault in the first place and that there is absolutely nothing that you could have done differently to keep the inevitable from happening, that is them leaving you at some point with or without notice and closure.


In Japan being direct is extremely rude. Instead of simply telling you what you did wrong or what they don’t like or about you your friends and partners find it easier to either suddenly disappear or to slowly fade overtime and become less and less available until you get the hint. The goal is to have YOU walk away and move on so that they don’t have to be deliverers of bad news. They want all of the pressure taken off of themselves.  Don’t be fooled! Just because your so called friend or boyfriend replies to your texts and calls every so often doesn’t mean that you’re not being ghosted they;re probably just using the “slow method” that I talked about. I have personally experienced both.
Eventually you’ll become a pro and will be able to easily tell that things aren't working out ad you’ll probably have the honour of doing the ghosting yourself.
If your friend or boyfriend/girlfriend has suddenly stopped talking to you all together or as much h and claims that they're busy with family work or school then take the hint and stop being stupid and demanding closure. You’re only making a fool out of yourself! be an adult and gather the little bit of pride that you do have and simply walk away. 
It’s an annoying cultural difference and while it may seem childish and rude to not give someone an explanation at least the “ghoster” means well and is simply trying to protect your feelings by not causing you to get really sad or angry and argue,fight, or threaten to make plans to commit suicide all of a sudden. 

As I’ve gotten older I simply stopped getting so attached to people. I talk to people as acquaintances and I’m not quick to take off my clothes or make out with the first guy that calls me cute and spends more than $100 on a date. I also learned to stop replying so fast and desperately to every text message and phone call. I stopped making myself so available. 
If you suspect that you're being ghosted then get a job, study Japanese. play some video games, read a book, learn how to cook a new meal, paint, start a sketch book,make some new friends, take some pictures and have fun editing them get your mind off of trying to force everyone to love you or to be your friend. You need a personal life outside of your partner or so called friend. Nobody likes a clingy person! Its overwhelming, annoying and bothersome. 
You have to distract yourself! reevaluate your relationship. Maybe you scared them away by being clingy, oversharing, or being obnoxious. Maybe you opened up too fast in more ways than one. Learn how to take things slowly and always keep your options open. You need a social life of your own. 
Also keep in mind that your clinginess and desperation will attract people who intend to harm and use you. They can see how vulnerable and easy that you are. Your desperation for love and acceptance and your fetish makes you a target for people to use you for sex, gifts, food, money, status, and arm-candy.
If you have ever been ghosted in Japan then don't feel bad! You're not alone. Most people here have been ghosted more than once whether they're Japanese or a foreigner. As a foreigner you're a lot to handle! Your personality, your wants,your thought process and expectations are all very different from those of a Japanese persons so just as you are having a hard time with being ghosted your former lover or friend may have also found it difficult to please you or to breathe around you and probably felt as though you were smothering them or scarring them with your aggressively clingy demanding and direct behavior.


If you are moving too fast in your relationship or friendship then you are probably missing telltale signs that your partner is not that interested. Remember that at the end of the day Japanese people are still human! They can lie to you just like anyone else can to get in your pants and experiment with you or to use you as a date for an event. being ghosted is extremely hurtful especially if you were really in love with this person or if you had what appeared to have been the perfect friendship but it is better to find out now rather than later so that you can stop wasting all of your love, time and money on someone who clearly doesn't feel so positively about you. I know that it may seem like its the end of the world but it's not. You will eventually move on just as easily as they did and you will also find someone who is genuine and true to you that really loves and cares about you. A real love or friendship that you will never have to question.
Take this time being single or "lonely" to work on yourself. After being ghosted I finally started taking Japanese seriously and began teaching myself how to read and write. I started exercising and managed to lose about 30 lbs. in just a few months. Before I knew it I had new friends and finally a REAL relationship that made it all worth it. I hope that you too can find happiness in all of your relationships as well. Take your time and let things happen naturally. You don't have to be in a relationship and you don't need friends. They're all wants. Always choose quality people over quantity. Never let your loneliness turn into desperation. When we become desperate and clingy we allow ourselves to be abused and taken advantage of. You deserve good things and good people in your life. When you do finally meet that special someone you'll just know it and no matter what you say or do they'll never get tired of you. they will appreciate all of your efforts and love you just the way that you are. You won't have to prove yourself to anyone anymore and you can relax knowing that they aren't going anywhere.
Goodluck!









Thank you so much for reading!
Do you have any more tips and advice that you'd like to give to others about being ghosted? If so please leave a comment down below or send me an email.













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Sunday, April 7, 2019

20 Things That I Like About Japanese People

There's no such thing as a perfect country or perfect people for that matter but sometimes when you're in Japan it most certainly does make you think twice about that! When people think of Japan one of the first things that comes to mind is that there are seemingly too many rules. At times it may seem as though even their rules have rules but this is what helps to keep everything peaceful, quiet, organized and clean.
Overall most Japanese people are very polite, fashionable, and considerate of those around them. Here's a list of 20 things that make Japanese people some of the best people to befriend or to become acquainted with in the world.


20 Things That I Like About Japanese People


1.) They’re very considerate and thoughtful. Everyone cares about how their actions will affect or impact others.



2.) They’re very patient and understanding when you make mistakes. 



3.) They don’t steal! You can leave your doors and windows unlocked or wide open. If you forget something they’ll chase you down to bring it back to you or they will take it to lost and found.



4.) They’re very punctual and tend to arrive early if not right on time. Being late is almost not a thing here.



5.) They have no problem complimenting each other! Heterosexual men and women have no problem telling each other that they look handsome or beautiful. It’s not a competition. Instead people are excited to see someone who looks “better” than they do. They build each other up rather than tear each other down.



7.) They are open to to learning about cultural differences and sensitivity. They don’t get angry when accused of being racist yet instead they become apologetic and will take your advice to do better next time. Sometimes people say things out of pure blissful innocent ignorance and not out of hate.



8.) They don’t make fun of you for speaking bad Japanese. They encourage you and compliment your efforts.



9.) They try their best to accommodate their tourists by providing an ample amount of translations and going out of their way to write directions or even walk you to your destination.



10.) They have a great sense of fashion and style. Both men and women take great care of their skin and hair. 



11.) They don't act entitled and are patient in line as well as when making requests or when waiting on food or services at restaurants and other businesses.



12.) They provide great quality food and customer service regardless of how much or how little you pay for their services or food. They don’t need tips to serve you properly.



13.) They’re trustworthy and good at keeping secrets. If you confide in someone its unlikely that they will share your personal problems, jokes, or suspicions with others at your expense.



14.) They’re not argumentative. People know who to talk and disagree like adults. There’s no screaming and yelling to make a point. Instead people can quietly debate topics here. They actually listen to what you have to say even if they total disagree with it.




15.) They work together as a team. My coworkers don’t act bitter because I am overqualified and my salary is higher than there’s. They take initiative and help without having to be asked. 



16.) They’re not loud and obnoxious. They talk quietly.



17.) They clean up after themselves. Littering and leaving the bathroom dirty behind oneself is rare. 



18.) They love to teach you about their language and culture. If you ask any questions about Japan they're an open book.



19.) They’re very honest when it comes to business. Contracts are very straightforward and people will tell you the truth if you ask them questions.



20.) They follow the rules seemingly everywhere almost all the time. Drivers give pedestrians the right of way. People form lines in front of the train cars and littering and loud talking or music in public or on transportation is rare.



Thank you so much for reading! If you have any other things that you'd like to add to this list then please send me an email or leave a comment down below.







Stay Tuned!



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