Now that you have decided to give online dating a try there are a few things that you need to think about. What kind of person do you want to portray yourself as? What kind of man do you want to find? You will be given a limited amount of space to choose how much or how little you are willing to share with your words as well as a limited amount of photos where you can show people what you look like in real life. The great thing about online dating is that you can update your profile. You can always delete information that you typed or pictures that you posted. You can even create a new account if you want to. You can choose what kind of people you talk to or date. You can decide how fast or how slow your relationship progresses just as you would with a man whom you met in person. Remember, while your relationship may have started online it doesn't have to end there. If you are living in Japan then you will probably arrange a date with your partner within 1-7 days of exchanging the first message. There is no right or wrong way to create your profile and ultimately what you choose to share about yourself is totally up to you and should be based upon the time or man and relationship that you want to find.

You can watch my YouTube video on this topic here...

How to Create an Online Dating Profile in Japan

Decide What You Want

Before you get started you need to ask yourself what your goal for using these apps are. You need to decide what kind of man you'd like to marry and rank the importance of traits, beliefs, habits, and wants.

While you don't want to include too much of your wants when it comes to your ideal man in your profile (to avoid attracting players) you will want to make a list of things that are important for you in a relationship. For example if you need a man that loves to cuddle all night, likes to play video games, loves sex, and enjoys travel then you will want to screen for this when talking to men and reading their profiles. If having a man that is educated and financially stable is important to you then you will want to consider this when looking at his photos and asking him about his personal life and work. If having a man that is taller than you is important that you will want to get a good idea of how tall or how short of a man you are willing to date. You don't have to stick to your list. You will likely find men that don't meet all of your criteria but that you still fall head over heels for because they are handsome and charming. While it can be easy to turn down a man for being shorter than you'd like ask yourself would you rather have a tall jerk or a short romantic and caring man? Stay open minded but don't become desperate and settle for anyone just because you are feeling lonely or want to start a family. i know that it can be tempting to just give up and be willing to say yes to the first man that approaches you that matches one thing that you'd like in an ideal partner but your list should serve as a reminder that just because he has a six-pack doesn't mean he's going to be romantic. Ask yourself about the importance or religion in your relationship and decide whether you'd be okay with dating a smoker or a drinker. Are you okay with dating a man that has no interest in having children or getting married someday? The great thing about online dating is that you can easily narrow or broaden your search for a boyfriend or future husband. You can filter through men that are too young or too old or that love too far away.

Choosing Photos

While beauty and looks aren't everything they are the first things that people notice and can either draw people near or cause them to runaway. Pictures are the most important part of your profile. They make people want to learn more and to truly get to know the stranger that they are looking at. If you are confident in your looks and body then narrowing down which photos to showcase can be the most fun part of creating a dating profile however if you are someone who struggles with your body-image and feel insecure about your physical attractiveness this might be your least favorite part or the main reason why you have put off creating an account for so long. Japanese men are still men and each man has his own taste in women. What one man doesn't like about you another will. I can assure you that you are not the ugliest, fattest, or darkest skinned person in the world and assuming that these traits that have been deemed as undesirable and bad is where you've got it all wrong. Women often stress out and worry about things that men either don't care about or actual love. Confidence is key!

However, while I do understand that someone who is very confident about their body might want to show their future husband or potential boyfriend just how sexy they are in their lingerie set and mini-dress you also want to keep in mind that by using provocative photos to essentially advertise yourself to random men online is going to result in a lot of unwanted attention. If your goal is to find a serious relationship then you will want to post pictures that show you dressed modestly, smiling, having fun and just being yourself (accept with clothes). If you wouldn't attach those pictures to your resume then you probably shouldn't share them with random men whom you wan to take you seriously.

You can be sexy without being half naked. I know it's not fair but the reality is that people not only treat you differently based on how you dress but your clothing can determine the type of guys that choose to talk to you. Not only can dress provocatively attract fuckboys, players, one night stands, married men and future cheaters but most men that are looking for a serious relationship will be put off and uninterested in dating a woman who casually shares her racy or nude photos online. You don't have to fake a new personality or change your wardrobe but your dating profile doesn't need to have the same thirst trap pictures that you shared on Instagram from your Bali vacation. You can of course dress conservatively and still attract creeps and perverts but you are less likely to have men approach you that are simply looking for free or cheap sex. I always suggest that you post a few pictures where you look your absolute best (nicely styled outfit and hair and where you feel most beautiful and confident about your body), a couple of photos that show your entire body (no surprises so your match can estimate your height and weight and can decide for himself if he is interested in you), and a couple of photos of you in a more casual or "natural setting. I would avoid posting anything that is sexually suggestive to avoid attracting more creeps than you already will simply by being a woman.

Create a Detailed Profile

When creating a dating profile you want to be sure to answer all of the questions that are available to you and share as much as you can about your interests and hobbies while giving a brief summary of your education, career, and goals etc.. There is no need to share exact details such as your profession, salary, or how many kids you want to have but generic statements like "I'm a full time teacher and a university graduate" are just fine. By sharing information about your interested in life it helps people to gauge their compatibility with you and can even help them plan better dates and create better conversations. The less you share the harder it can be for a guy to decide if you're really a match for him. Sure a cute photo can grab his attention but maybe he'd like you a lot more if he found out that you enjoy painting and puzzles or that you're a gamer girl.

Bad guys can often be weeded out by creating a detailed profile as they won't care to read what you have to say. They are too busy trying to find a victim to lay in bed with. They will usually give themselves away by asking you questions that have clearly been answered within your profile such as "do you smoke", "do you live in Japan", "what's your job" etc..

While there are of course fuckboys that enjoy reading each and every profile of cute girls that they come across, most of them don't care to read your entire self-proclaimed biography. They usually won't bother to read it for two reasons. They either don't have time to waste getting to know you or they want to avoid getting to know you because it would make them feel attached and somewhat guilty for doing you wrong in the future. There is no fool-proof way to avoid fuckboys but a man that is in so much of a rush that he can't take 3 minutes to read your profile probably won't stick around 3 minutes past your one night stand or first date either. Do you really want to date a man who doesn't care to read what you have to say?

Avoid Oversharing

While sharing and being detailed in your profile is great there are some details that can be left for later. You don't need to disclose your dating and divorce history, your school, your employer, when you plan to get married, or the number of kids you plan to have. While these things can be helpful for someone that is serious about you it can also attract players who will use this manipulate you, and deter men who would have matched with you but feel a bit scared and intimidated by your straightforwardness and openness about your life online. It's like going on a first date and the entire way to the restaurant your date starts unloading their baggage about past traumas and affairs and then right when you think it couldn't get any worse they spend the entirety of your date talking about how they hope your babies look as big-eyed and beauty as you. This can be overwhelming for most people and is best to be said in person or through private messaging at a later stage in your relationship. It's okay to withhold some things about yourself and wait until you have established a serious connection and a long-term relationship before sharing things that are too revealing and personal.

Men to Avoid

While everyone is entitled to their own opinions and dating preferences I personally find that their are certain types of guys that I have no interest in dating since I cannot see myself building a future with them. If a man is not willing to post real pictures of himself and has to hide his face with stickers, a mask, or shades I can't help but wonder if he is married or ugly. Is it really fair you to expose yourself online and someone with a ramen bowl or a picture of Sasuke to expect a date with you? I would also avoid talking to a man that has a fake name or age (nicknames and usernames are okay) or that lies about his occupation or is overly secretive about sharing pictures or telling you about himself even after you've begun exchanging private messages and have established some trust.

While that guy with over-waxed eyebrows and pink hair might look like one of your favorite anime characters he is probably a host that will ultimately end up breaking your heart. You might think that the guy with tattoos and piercings looks cool but will you be okay with marrying a man that can't become a salaryman due to his edgy look, lack of a college education, and criminal record? Is it worth it to struggle financially to take care of yourself and your family all for the sake of having a cute guy that is emotionally unavailable and who isn't financially stable and well educated like yourself?

Sex is Like Dessert

Do you always have dessert every time you eat dinner? Most of the time? Sometimes? Rarely? Sex should be something that isn't expected but rather something that is a treat for both yourself and your partner. It should come naturally at the end of a date and it should never take place under unsure, drunk, or coerced circumstances. Playing a numbers game with sex on first dates is a very dangerous game. You can either end up getting pregnant, stuck with an STD, or leave that bed with a broken heart. It never hurts to wait. A man that truly loves you won' mind waiting for you to feel comfortable. He won't pressure you to sleep with him and he won' expect you to do so. Japanese men know that having sex on a first date isn't normal for Japanese women and if a man is asking you to do so it is more than likely because he is not serious about you.

While every relationship is of course different and you can be that lucky girl who's one night stand turned into her husband of 20+ years, most women can't sing that same song. It is always better to be safe than sorry. I would also suggest that you make it clear that you intend to go straight home after your date and that you either won't be drinking at all or that you will avoid getting drunk. If a man had ulterior motives and wanted you to leave the venue wasted so that he can rape you (date rape is unfortunately very common here in Japan) then he will either cancel the date or seem disappointed. Either way you'd have dodged a bullet!

Save Something for Later

You don't have to tell him all of your secrets or show him all of your tricks to make a good impression. If you do choose to have sex then I'd avoid having oral sex or wearing a costume to make him happy. You don't need to show off and pull out your bag of tricks for a player that might ghost you next week. Sex is a very intimate and personal act. It is a gift from you to your partner. Should you decide to have sex with your date you should avoid oral sex and ensure that your partner is just as focused on pleasing you as you are pleasing them. One sided sex is not good sex.

If you don't usually show up to your dates dressed up as Hatsune Miku or Snow White then don't start doing it now! There is no need to move so quickly. Saving something fun for later gives both of you something sexy and exciting to look forward to. Just as you wouldn't spend thousands of dollars on an outfit or a gift for your first date you also don't need to go all out when it comes to being intimate with your partner early on. A man that becomes frustrated with this is definitely a fuckboy.

Fuckboys

The good thing about players is that they aren't very creative. After you have met a few you've met them all. They all use the same tactics. If a man is sending you unwanted dick pics, asking you what size your bust is, asking if you live alone, asking you if you like to drink, or shows little interest in getting to know you (isn't asking you basic questions to get to know you) then you can be pretty sure that he is not looking for something serious. Be careful about answering questions about your career etc.. a lot of men use this to gauge whether you can afford to pay half for the hotel or restaurant if not the full amount they will try to trick you into feeling obligated to pay half and then ghost you afterwards. Only go on a date to a place that you can afford. Carry cash and a card and always tell someone where you are going, with whom, and when you should return home. If a date ever makes you feel uncomfortable or starts to pressure you then you need to leave.

Leave 'Em on Read

You are not obligated to reply to someone just because they sent you a message. If someone is stalking you, sexually harassing you, making you feel uncomfortable, or even if they simply aren't your type then you are free to open their message and leave them on read, block them or simply ignore it all together. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable and happy. Don't allow people to guilt trip you into replying because it's their birthday or because they claim to be depressed.You don't owe anyone an explanation for why you decided not to communicate with them. You will become tired if you take the time to read and reply to each guy that sends you a message. You can never make everyone happy and your safety both physically and mentally is what's most important. You never know how someone might react to a bad message from you so it is always best to simply ignore block and report when necessary. You will inevitably come across stalkers, bullies, creeps, perverts, and crazy people on these sites just as you can come across these people in public spaces too. It is rather rare for you to encounter anything more than a troll so don't let a mean message get to you!