It's hard to remember to take a deep breath and remember that now is not forever so we should try our absolute best to make the most out of each and everyday. It is so easy to feel stressed and overwhelmed when we start to think too far ahead trying to plan out our lives and the future.
Just take a chance. So what if you fail! It's a part of life and growing. If you've made it this far there's no reason you can't make it a few steps further.
At just 21 years old I am a pretty young adult, newly admitted into the world of true-adulthood. I have made so many goals for myself from such a young age. I haven't really accomplished much in my life. Things did not turn out the way I expected them to and that is mainly because I have set unrealistic expectations for myself. I have spent so much of my life trying to find stability in a life that has lacked anything stable to hold onto for so long. The sad thing is I never really realized that this is what was causing all of my problems. Because of my difficult upbringing I always wanted to everyone that I loved and cared about to love and care about me even more. I wanted everything that I invested in to be a long term permanent investment. I couldn't wrap my mind around why anyone would want anything different. Wouldn't you want to have stability in your life?
The problem was that not everybody has the same experiences, thoughts, and feelings that I have towards life. For many people marriage, relationships and even friendships are a burden. I have to accept the fact that not everyone wants what I do and I have to learn how to be okay with that.
Life is not a race. Everyone has to finish. Life is not fair and neither is "the race". We all have invisible personalized finish lines with our names written on them and once we cross that line.... it's all over.
As a child, yes a child at the age of just 11, I remember lying on the dinning room floor and crying while talking on the phone with my first boyfriend in the 5th grade because we had broken up for possibly the 100th time that spring. We had talked about plans of getting married and expressed how much we had loved each other or at least thought we did. The thing is as dumb and funny as that may sound to you that dumb goal never really went away. As a teenager I pledged to myself that I would get married by the time I became an adult and had my 18th birthday. I couldn't wait to be an adult. I thought that I knew more than everyone and that I had my life all figured out, but I was wrong.
I was certain that I would maintain my great grades as an honors student. I knew that I was going to have a scholarship. I knew that I was going to go to an ivy league university. I knew that I would be married and have kids by 18 and 21 at the latest, I knew that by then I would also have my drivers license and be working a part-time job. I didn't realize that I had tricked myself.
I made so many plans for myself that I became overwhelmed. I had a big picture that was so blurry because it lacked focus. I spent my whole life trying to prove myself. I wanted everyone who left me and hurt me to regret that they ever did. I wanted to make everyone who hurt me suffer and live the remainder of their life in agony wondering why they were so stupid to have not seen my potential, to have not forgiven me. I wanted them to see that they had mislabeled me.
Instead I proved to everyone that they were right all along.
I still have plenty of time to change and make things right but it's hard. I have the brain of a 60 year old man because my heart and mind is stressed and it has made my soul so weak. I have to try and unlearn everything that I taught myself. I never imagined waiting for the "perfect time" for anything to happen because I never believed that such a thing even existed, but it does. The catch is that just like how your life's race is invisible so are the "check-points". I never understood why I hadn't even checked off a few of the things that "I knew" I would have accomplished by this age but that's exactly why. Life is full of surprises. Some of them are wonderful others not so much.
You never know when you will reach these so called check-points in which you can feel accomplished because they are randomly placed all throughout the length of your life. Why make yourself miserable trying to guess when you will be able to "save". You have to treat life like you are playing Resident Evil and you have no idea when or how you are going to save your game again because your inventory is full so you can't pick up an ink ribbon and you don't have a clue as to when you will even come across another ink ribbon, yet alone a typewriter but lucky you! Right when you were least expecting it these ink ribbons just appear out of nowhere and in the least expected places shortly after there's a typewriter just around the corner. Please excuse my lame analogy.
I have to learn to slow down and live my life in slow motion. Enjoy the life around me. Stop trying to rush into things and make everything last a life time. Some of the best moments in your life unfortunately but truthfully last for just a second. Not every person that you befriend or hang out with or spend money on will be your best friend for life, not every secret that you tell will be kept to the grave, not every man that you date will love you and make it official, but eventually you will find that best friend and when you do and you guys click you will just know it, and when you find a man who sweeps you off of your feet and treats you like the beautiful princess that you are, your eyes, heart and soul won't be able to believe it. You will be overwhelmed with joy and happiness.
Stop trying to manipulate the time you accomplish something or even someone in your life.
However I will never tell you to give up! This may seem contradicting but it's not. Your life is short and each moment you live is powerful. Everything you do, or don't do, say or not say will impact your future. Make the most out of it even if you feel stupid or the people around you think you are!
I used to say the opposite and believe that because life is so short that I should not waste time on people or stuff that isn't making an effort to be apart of it, but that kind of poisonous thinking is because as a human I want to be treated as though I am the center of the universe to everyone and that my needs and wants should come first. That is understandable but it is also unreasonable. What I mean to say is that if you love someone tell them! If you want to be someones friend make an effort and be there for them. Don't play hard to get! Don't ignore texts because he doesn't text you back fast enough! Don't make him wait 3 days on read or even unread (shoutout to my LINE users) when you know you want to reply in 0.25 seconds! Be yourself! Live your life! Take your chances! Do whatever it is that makes you happy! It may seem foolish to the world but you are fulfilling your hearts desires. True love is unconditional, never ending, forgiving, self-less, does not give up, caring, compassionate, and honest. If you truly feel as though you want someone or something go for it no matter how impossible it may seem!
Even if you fail and it doesn't work out, even if they laugh at you, even if you cry or become angry even if they don't love you back at least you gave it your all and you can say that you did your best and never stopped trying or fighting for what you wanted! You will never know unless you try. Do not let your silly fears hold you back because really it is not your fears it is you... You are the only thing that is holding yourself back. You can be your biggest motivator or your own worst enemy and biggest critic/discourager in life. Choose to do what makes you happy!
Now is not forever although it may seem that way. You will meet new people and receive new opportunities. It is never too late to start and it is never too late to start over. Once you finally relax and stop freaking out and trying to tell yourself that you needed to have your degree 2 years ago, you should have been married last year, and panicking about if you will ever have kids, you will watch everything fall into the right place at the right time and you will be amazed that all it took was for you to relax and not rush things. Show interest and make an effort but don't smother people or things with your own personal or even selfish wants goals and aspirations. Don't put all of your eggs into one basket! Take your time! Get out there! Go on the date, eat those triple chocolate cookies, buy that expensive bag, try a new haircut or makeup look, wear the dress with yes, those heels! Stop limiting yourself. Learn how to live and breathe.
Life is overwhelming when you try to live it any other way. You have to be patient and trust that good things will come to you, but sometimes you have to put in the effort and chase after those dreams yourself. Maybe the person that you love feels the same way but is afraid to commit or to make the first move because they too have been hurt... You have to put your pride aside and do whatever it is that you truly feel in your heart. Follow your dreams pursue the love of your life. Don't lose hope.
It's okay to cry... It's okay to listen to sad songs and write in your journal. Go for a walk and give yourself time to heal. You are still human! Never forget that.... You do matter. You are important and the world would be nothing without you. We need you so please don't go. Life will not always be happy. You will experience loss. Your heart will get broken. You will lose friends and boyfriends but you will also get new friends and start new relationships. There are so many experiences that you have yet to have. Life is a wild and crazy adventure. You have to be strong and determined. You must put in effort and invest in what you love and want because if you don't then someone else will snatch up all of your dreams and steal your love right before your very eyes.
Stop comparing yourself to other people. You don't know how they really feel or if they are really happy with their life. You only see and know what they tell you and want you to. Stop assuming that you know everything! They say that life is not fair and sometimes I believe that to be true as well, but really life is one of the only truly fair things we have in this life.
We are all born with one equal beating heart at the same age. We have the ability to choose what direction we will steer our lives into. We have the ability to make choices that will determine our future. We can't undo most of the things we have said or done, but we can make improvements and learn from our wrong doings and past mistakes. It may not seem fair that a girl you deemed as an undesirable, ignorant slut is now married to a handsome rich man with 2 kids at the age of 23 and here you are with your bachelors degree in nursing and haven't even had a first kiss yet alone a boyfriend. That girl might be in an abusive and miserable relationship. She might be jealous that you have a degree and the freedom of being single. Because everyone wants everyone else's everything!
We are selfish as humans. As humans we will never be satisfied. We always want more money, more power, more sex, more friends. Learn to be grateful for what you do have and appreciate that. You were given the opportunity to have gotten a new experience. You can't change everything or everyone but you can change the way that you view them/it!
Sure he was the man of your dreams and it may seem like it was just a tease to have met the right person at the wrong time but the timing was not wrong at all! Everything happens for a reason. You were destined to meet. It may not have been destined to be, but that's why you have to be brave and courageous. Have faith in yourself and hope for the situation because anything can happen.
I may be a fool for chasing after the people that are not putting in the same effort as me but I am going to choose to take the adventurous route in life and do whatever it is that my heart desires. Society has made all of these rules for us. We are taught that we shouldn't chase, but play hard to get and that we should make ourselves unavailable or play the disappearing act when we feel ignored or unwanted. I believe that people who live by those rules are the true fools. They are ignoring their own wants to fulfill man-made rules which lead to nothing more than a life of misery and pain. As I said before don't put all of your eggs into one basket. You can stay open to new opportunities work another job get a degree in another field go no dates with other men but don't lose sight of what you really want and who you are. regardless of what you want to do with your life remember that it's short.
So stretch out your goals. Make plans and goals but don't set dates for when they must be accomplished by. The objective is to accomplish and finish. It does not matter if you graduate at 42, learn to drink at 57 or get married at 64. What matters is that you are happy with what you have done. Time goes by so fast! Make memories. Make the most out of what you've got. Stop dreaming and start living. If you want something or someone let it be known to the world. Don't hide it...
Chase after it, follow it, go get it and never give up! Remember to take a deep breath and to always and forever live your life, in slow motion.
Please feel free to share your own experiences with life and your goals in general. I'd love to read them. Let's all encourage each other and give positive feedback. Life is hard. Let's work together!
Stay Tuned!
Please Subscribe to my Blog and Follow Me on my other social media pages.
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/user/CoMicninetyfive/videos
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/user/CoMicninetyfive/videos
Twitter: https://twitter.com/Comic95?lang=en
