Japanese people absolutely love foreigners! They think that foreigners are cool, exotic looking, beautiful, adventurous, outgoing, humorous, and a ton of fun to be around. However with both a cultural and language barrier making friends in such a fast paced country that is full of rules can seem very intimidating. I have put together both a guide (here) as well as two YouTube videos that will help you navigate your joinery to finding good friends here in Japan.
The Truth: Even if you CAN speak, read, write, and text in Japanese fluently 90% of the messages that you will receive and conversations that will be initiated with you will be in English. Japanese people are very anxious people and are very hard on themselves. They are afraid of making mistakes and will constantly apologize for their "bad English" even when it's better than yours haha. There is no need to worry about your language ability because it isn't needed! The longer you live in Japan the more Japanese you will learn. You will never meet anyone who will say that they can't talk to you or be your friend because you can't speak or understand Japanese. I have personal hung out with, dated , and befriended Japanese people who couldn't speak a lick of English even before I could introduce myself or count in Japanese! Let me tell you, charades is a very fun game to play! I had the most fun hanging out and dating people who spoke less English than I did Japanese.
Also Japanese people aren;t cavemen! They have smartphones silly! They will use Google Translate as well as pocket sized electronic dictionaries to converse with you both in person and online. A warm friendly smile, body language, and patience is all it takes.
The Truth
Being shy reserved, quiet, and awkward are actually seen as cute personality traits here! Women are seen as more feminine and men are seen as more romantic. As the foreign friend your Japanese buddies will take the lead and keep the conversation going. They will want to know everything about you and your home country as well as what your likes, dislikes, and personal experiences are or have been here in Japan. Don't over think it! Just smile and try to seem as approachable as possible. IF you are always busy talking or walking with a group of friends it is unlikely that a Japanese person will approach you because actually they're very shy too! Japanese people hate being rejected and will go out of their way to save face (avoid shame) and it is culturally ingrained in them to try to do the same for the people around them out of respect. As long as you don't seem like a creep or try to be flirtatious in an unwanted way people will be very shocked if you manage to work up the courage to be the first one to make the move.
The Truth: Don't be so hard on yourself! Everything that you hate about yourself people here will love! Keep in mind that we are talking about forming meaningful friendships thus your appearance is irrelevant. All you need is a big friendly smile and an open personality. People will befriend you because you seem like a really nice person and if you're overweight you must come from a place that has great food and Japanese people love to eat a good meal! Not everyone here is slim and not everyone here is short. A lot of men and women wish they were tall like you! A lot of people here actually find curvy bodies to be very attractive. Look at me! I'm fat, dark, and tall too! Being different (bigger, darker, taller, or not #1 in the looks department) is not going to stop people from wanting to get to know the real YOU! You are so much more than your looks! The fact that you even had this thought in your mind means that you clearly have a beautiful heart & soul.
Now that we've popped some of the anxiety thought bubbles out of your head, let's talk about the applications that you should use, and the best places for you to go to make friends in Japan!
Please keep in mind that you can use and download these apps both inside and outside of Japan but some of the apps such as SKOUT & Tinder use your exact location which cannot be changed (without paying) so it might not be worth it to download or use them before you actually arrive here.
Can double as both a dating app & an app for making same sex friends. I personally didn't like the dating side of the app so I am only listing Bumble here for the BFF feature of the app. There are significantly less members on this app than any of the other apps mentioned in this blog so it is very easy to go through all of your potential matches in less than a day or two. A lot of the girls on the app are other foreign women many of whom seem to be apart of the JET program for some strange reason (no shade). As for the dating side of the app it allows users to verify that they're real by taking a picture in a pose that Bumble will review. Users can also add their Instagram as well as several pictures and create about a paragraph long introduction to help others get to know you before they swipe.
While the app is supposed to appeal to both women and men by making it where the press is taken off of men to make the first move and women have to make the first move with matches thus avoiding unwanted creepy messages from guys it fails at both. Just because you send the first messages doesn't mean it will weed out the creeps and stop people from asking "Do you like sex?" as the conversation starter. It also doesn't guarantee a reply but it does narrow down the window in which you have to wait fro one. You only have 24 hours to send your match a message otherwise they will disappear [FOREVER...kinda]. I personally like this part of the app since I don't like people who play the ignore game to try and be cool. Japanese men and women are known for ignoring messages, ghosting, and playing hard to get like 14 year old girls do. Yes life happens but it only takes a second to reply and let's face it! Everyone is on their phone all day long so if it's taking you days or weeks to reply you simply weren't interested and didn't respect or care about the person you were talking to.
This is not an app for making friends per se but it is the Japanese way of staying connected with them. LINE is like Facebook, SKYPE, and Instagram combined. You can text, call, video chat, use stickers, create albums within chats, group message, group video chat and even play games with your friends via the LINE app. Japanese people don't usually share their phone number with people that they aren't close to unless it's for business and work although most jobs here actually require you to use your LINE account for professional purposes too.
While the Personals section has been removed from the site you can still post in the Lessons section and simply state that you are in search of both Japanese language exchange partners and friends alike.
Be sure to specify what you're looking for and give a nice introduction telling people about yourself such as your age, career, gender, hobbies, interests,nationality, and of course your language level.
I would also require that the person replying to the ad send you their picture and give you a self-introduction as well so that you can know who you're talking to before you meet or share anymore. As always if the person claims to be "too" shy to do so, or says that they will send a picture later then I would simply ignore their reply (I'm not sure why you'd reply to an ad knowing that you're not willing to play by the rules given).
This App is similar to Tinder & MeetMe combined, but unfortunately as a woman you will receive mostly replies from men desperately looking for cute girls to pay for sex.
There are a lot of minors on this app so be careful if you are a man and don't want to find yourself being blackmailed, in prison, or deported from the country. I have personal met a couple of genuine guys and even a girl from here but because of the overwhelming amount of very rude and creepy guys on here I simply gave up and rarely open this app besides to block someone who won't stop sending me dick pics.
Keep in mind that this app is very sexist and will almost never ban any female users for using inappropriate sexual language which the app specifies it is NOT to be used for very similar to Tinder. I have received strange messages from women despite the fact that I'm straight yet when I reported them nothing was done yet men who said the same or similar things were banned within a week.
No matter where you are in Japan all you have do is smile look around, take pictures, record videos, draw, eat or simply enjoy people watching and strangers will come up to you and ask where you are from or if it's okay for them to join you. As long as you are dressed appropriately, seem friendly, you don't smell bad, and don't appear to have ulterior motives you all attract friends and even potential dates because you seem like a cool lonely foreigner.
People will converse with you in both Japanese and English. They will ask to exchange contact information such as Instagram & LINE or Facebook (sometimes even Twitter). Be very careful about giving people your name and contact information particularly if they appear to be a pervert/creep or if they are another foreigner. In general most Japanese people are very trustworthy and aren't going to stalk you or try to kill you, but the same cannot be said about other nationalities touring or residing in Japan due to a different culture and upbringing but of course there's bad apples amongst the Japanese too!
If you want to make friends fast and effortlessly consider living in a Gaijin house (a building that is known for exclusively or openly housing a lot of non-Japanese people). Don't stay locked up in your room all day! Go sit own the couch in the common area, lay out your manga collection, or playing cards, turn on the tv, greet people as the newer or exit, introduce yourself to your housemates, share your food and drinks, give advice to the newbies, collect coupons, or print out flyers for a cool or free upcoming event and let everyone know that you're trying to put together a group of friends for an overnight trip to the karaoke bar (all you can eat & drink). It works! Foreigners are surprisingly (generally) extremely nice to each other at these houses. They will quickly befriend and mother you. I made 3 new friend only first day in Tokyo, Japan. I am still friends with them to this day despite having moved all the way to Kansai.
Foreigners at these houses are just as lost, worried, and anxious as you are about making friends so don't be shy! Bring your Wii or PlayStation downstairs and bring some spare controllers! You'll be the real MVP if your housemates didn't have the money to buy a new console or the space to carry their old one from home. Your housemates will also appreciate your generosity and will be happy to know that they have a gaming, party, shopping, or gossip buddy. You'll learn so much about other cultures and countries too.
Please Click on The Links Below to Watch My YouTube Videos on Friends in Japan!
How to Make Friends in Japan
Why It's So Hard to Make Friends in Japan
Myth #1
I Can't Make Friends Because I Can't Speak Japanese Fluently.
Also Japanese people aren;t cavemen! They have smartphones silly! They will use Google Translate as well as pocket sized electronic dictionaries to converse with you both in person and online. A warm friendly smile, body language, and patience is all it takes.
Myth #2
I'm Too Shy, Boring, and Socially Awkward to Talk to People.
Being shy reserved, quiet, and awkward are actually seen as cute personality traits here! Women are seen as more feminine and men are seen as more romantic. As the foreign friend your Japanese buddies will take the lead and keep the conversation going. They will want to know everything about you and your home country as well as what your likes, dislikes, and personal experiences are or have been here in Japan. Don't over think it! Just smile and try to seem as approachable as possible. IF you are always busy talking or walking with a group of friends it is unlikely that a Japanese person will approach you because actually they're very shy too! Japanese people hate being rejected and will go out of their way to save face (avoid shame) and it is culturally ingrained in them to try to do the same for the people around them out of respect. As long as you don't seem like a creep or try to be flirtatious in an unwanted way people will be very shocked if you manage to work up the courage to be the first one to make the move.
Myth #3
I'm Too Tall, Too Short, Too Dark, Too Fat, or Too Ugly to Make Friends.
Now that we've popped some of the anxiety thought bubbles out of your head, let's talk about the applications that you should use, and the best places for you to go to make friends in Japan!
The Best 6 Apps
Is with everything in life there's cons and pros to each of these apps. Thanks to stereotypes, Hollywood, Music videos, magazines, Netflix, and YouTube Asians think that white, black, and Hispanic people are all sex addicts who are willing to either have free sex or that can easily be paid off for it. You will get messages from creeps, perverts, fetishist, and people trying to baby or visa trap you. The good always outweighs the bad so don't worry if you seem to only be getting replies from the bad girls & guys. The genuine people that reach out to you will make it all worth it.Please keep in mind that you can use and download these apps both inside and outside of Japan but some of the apps such as SKOUT & Tinder use your exact location which cannot be changed (without paying) so it might not be worth it to download or use them before you actually arrive here.
1.) MeetMe
Owned by the same company as SKOUT MeetMe is an app that is great for making friend who live nearby. It uses your profile picture, name , and age and presents it to random users through match games and friend recommendations. You can add "tags' to your profile which can both help you find people with similar hobbies as you as well as help others to find you through your tags as well! Unlike Tinder & OKCupid there are tons of fake profiles and the moderation here isn't so good. Blocking doesn't do much besides stopping the ability for you to receive their messages. Similar to SKOUT the app has a lot of "ladyboys", escorts, prostitutes, and nasty old men, as well as people who aren't in Japan but that want to "befriend" or have sex with you. You will receive more messages on this app than SKOUT but the quality of people/friends/partners is much lower in my opinion.
You can add several pictures, play match games, answer questions from other users, and going community forums from within the app. It's a fun way to past time and an easy way to meet people who live within a 2-10 mile radius of you.
2.) OkCupid
This app doubles as both a dating & friendship app. It allows users to narrow down their search to race, country, city, age, as well as their body size and build. Users can also choose to avoid seeing potential matches who use drugs, drink, or that are affiliated with any certain religions or parties that aren't to your personal liking. The best thing about this app is that it offers lots of fun, crazy, and interesting questions that are frequently updated (they keep up with the times) about politics, weather, religion, sexuality, race, entertainment, celebrities, food, sex, and much more. You can also give an explanation for your personal answers to each question (and hide your answers) as well as decide how important your potential friend or partners answers are to you. OKC requires their users to fill out a lengthy profile that describes your likes and dislikes as well as your interests, educational background, height, name, and age.
They do a pretty great job moderating accounts overall. Fake profiles, racist, bullies, and creeps get blocked and banned fairly fast in comparison to other applications. However there are of course still creeps and a lot of people from Africa & South/West Asian countries looking for visa daddies and trying to pull off scams as well as begging you for sex.
This app arguably has the least attractive users and is filled with mostly other foreigners.
3.) Tinder
Despite what many people think about Tinder it is actually great app for making genuine friends. Tinder is all about looks so naturally if you aren't an attractive person, if your older, or bigger than most you will find it hard to get matches. It might be worth it to pay for a subscription to help you find more potential matches as well as to boost your profile. Anyway back to the details! Tinder requires users to upload at least one picture of themselves but you an add up to 10 photos and videos of yourself. Baby pictures, blurred faces, anime pictures, QR codes and other random fake profiles and pictures tend to get deleted from the app pretty fast. The users on Tinder tend to be the most attractive by far. The great things about this app is that it forces shy and secretive people to post a real picture of themselves and that you can see their Instagram account too to get a look into their life. As always there are creeps and perverts everywhere online especially on Tinder which is an app that is essentially made for hooking up with strangers so be sure to clarify what you're looking for AND what you're not looking for or willing to do in your profile as well (consider translating your profile into Japanese by using short complete English sentences without slang).
Tinder is known in Japan as a way to have sex for free with hot & easy foreign men & women. A lot of girls are looking for visa daddies to America as well as trying to have your mixed babies, and a ton of men are trying to check "had sex with a barbie doll" off of their bucket list so be VERY careful.
4.) MeetUp
MeetUp is the best way to make genuine friends in real life. It is an app that allows regular people like you & I as well as organizations to start or list the clubs on the app. Anyone can start a club or join a preexisting one at anytime. There is no cost to become a member and join any club but a lot of the events and parties do cost money generally about $10-$30 for each meet. You can join dance clubs, Bible studies, photography, language exchanges, cooking clubs, singles/dating clubs, sports, gaming, book, anime and everything in-between. The members are very friendly and welcoming. There is a good balance of both foreigners and Japanese alike. If you have a real profile picture and fill out your about me section you will receive private messages from members before the event actually takes place so you might find a friend or a partner before the international party, game night, or dodgeball tournament that you were planning to attend. This is a great way to meet people in your city as it can be used anywhere in Japan. If you have a great idea for a group that doesn't yet exist in your city or you have abetter idea for how the group should be done you can always create your own for a small monthly fee ( it costs money to start your own group in the app).
5.) SKOUT
This app allows you to search through thousands of people who live within your city or anywhere else in the country. You will receive hundreds of messages every week from both foreigners and Japanese people. The app has a large amount of Japanese users in every age group. You can create a profile that gives a brief description of yourself as well as your age, name, religion, height, body size etc.. You can add a seemingly endless amount of pictures to your timeline as fellas create statuses both of which will boost your profile temporarily. There are tons of fake profiles, bots, ladyboys, and people with anime profile pictures which a lot of people aren't too pleased with (including myself) and can quickly become annoying. Not to mention this app has a large amount of users looking to hook-up or that are desperately willing to pay for sex so be very careful ladies. However to me the good outweighs the bad! I have personally made the most good and genuine friends from this app. It is also the best app to use for dating in Japan in my opinion. Unfortunately when it comes to same sex friends this app is either hit or miss. I tend to get a lot of weird messages from either girls who want to know about Japanese men, or women who are lesbian and ignoring the fact that my profile clearly states that I am not, so I find this to be annoying especially since these girls send you nasty messages just like you'd stereotypically expect a man to.
Anyway you can go live on this app to reach out to more people as well as download apps, play games, and watch ads to get token that allow you to boost your profile to the front of the app thus you will receive a lot more messages, likes, and comments. What I love the most about this app is that you can easily block creepy people and report them. Upon blocking someone it deletes the chat from both you and the other creepy user and it stops them from being able to search for you or view your profile. The second-best thing is that you can favorite users so that you can easily find your favorites later and receive notifications when they update their profiles.
6.) Bumble
Can double as both a dating app & an app for making same sex friends. I personally didn't like the dating side of the app so I am only listing Bumble here for the BFF feature of the app. There are significantly less members on this app than any of the other apps mentioned in this blog so it is very easy to go through all of your potential matches in less than a day or two. A lot of the girls on the app are other foreign women many of whom seem to be apart of the JET program for some strange reason (no shade). As for the dating side of the app it allows users to verify that they're real by taking a picture in a pose that Bumble will review. Users can also add their Instagram as well as several pictures and create about a paragraph long introduction to help others get to know you before they swipe.
While the app is supposed to appeal to both women and men by making it where the press is taken off of men to make the first move and women have to make the first move with matches thus avoiding unwanted creepy messages from guys it fails at both. Just because you send the first messages doesn't mean it will weed out the creeps and stop people from asking "Do you like sex?" as the conversation starter. It also doesn't guarantee a reply but it does narrow down the window in which you have to wait fro one. You only have 24 hours to send your match a message otherwise they will disappear [FOREVER...kinda]. I personally like this part of the app since I don't like people who play the ignore game to try and be cool. Japanese men and women are known for ignoring messages, ghosting, and playing hard to get like 14 year old girls do. Yes life happens but it only takes a second to reply and let's face it! Everyone is on their phone all day long so if it's taking you days or weeks to reply you simply weren't interested and didn't respect or care about the person you were talking to.
Bonus Apps & Locations
These are additional applications are a bit more sketchy and are commonly used for hooking-up, scams, and are filled with escorts, and prostitutesLINE
Craigslist
Be sure to specify what you're looking for and give a nice introduction telling people about yourself such as your age, career, gender, hobbies, interests,nationality, and of course your language level.
I would also require that the person replying to the ad send you their picture and give you a self-introduction as well so that you can know who you're talking to before you meet or share anymore. As always if the person claims to be "too" shy to do so, or says that they will send a picture later then I would simply ignore their reply (I'm not sure why you'd reply to an ad knowing that you're not willing to play by the rules given).
SayHi!
There are a lot of minors on this app so be careful if you are a man and don't want to find yourself being blackmailed, in prison, or deported from the country. I have personal met a couple of genuine guys and even a girl from here but because of the overwhelming amount of very rude and creepy guys on here I simply gave up and rarely open this app besides to block someone who won't stop sending me dick pics.
Keep in mind that this app is very sexist and will almost never ban any female users for using inappropriate sexual language which the app specifies it is NOT to be used for very similar to Tinder. I have received strange messages from women despite the fact that I'm straight yet when I reported them nothing was done yet men who said the same or similar things were banned within a week.
Meet People in Real Life & Public Places
No matter where you are in Japan all you have do is smile look around, take pictures, record videos, draw, eat or simply enjoy people watching and strangers will come up to you and ask where you are from or if it's okay for them to join you. As long as you are dressed appropriately, seem friendly, you don't smell bad, and don't appear to have ulterior motives you all attract friends and even potential dates because you seem like a cool lonely foreigner.People will converse with you in both Japanese and English. They will ask to exchange contact information such as Instagram & LINE or Facebook (sometimes even Twitter). Be very careful about giving people your name and contact information particularly if they appear to be a pervert/creep or if they are another foreigner. In general most Japanese people are very trustworthy and aren't going to stalk you or try to kill you, but the same cannot be said about other nationalities touring or residing in Japan due to a different culture and upbringing but of course there's bad apples amongst the Japanese too!
General Places to meet people outside
Train Stations
If you have time and the weather is nice consider eating your lunch outside at a busy park or near a busy terminal at the train station. Shinjuku Station, Ikebukuro Station, Shibuya Station, Kyoto Station, and Umeda Station (Osaka) are all great stations to try this at. I have personally made at least 3 friends at each and even went on several dates.Cultural Festivals
Japan hosts annual festivals to celebrate different cultures in Japan as well as abroad. Any kind od parade or event in town is a great place to meet Japanese singles. A lot of people have found partners in Japan this way actually.International Parties
These are parties that encourage mixing & mingling with both Japanese natives and foreigners from around the world. You'll meet expats, tourists, teachers, gaijin hunters, people looking for free language exchange partners or one night stands, as well as those who are seriously looking to find the love of their life, or even their new best friend. There is usually a small entry free and either free or cheap food & drinks. You can go alone with group either way people will come up to you and make you feel welcome so don't be shy! I personally hate parties because I'm anxious and shy myself and I'm not a smoker or much of a drinker but whenever I have gone total stranger both men and women made me feel like I was their best friend and introduced me to everyone in the room and played games with me and brought me free food and drinks.
Share Houses/Dormitories/ Gaijin Apartments
If you want to make friends fast and effortlessly consider living in a Gaijin house (a building that is known for exclusively or openly housing a lot of non-Japanese people). Don't stay locked up in your room all day! Go sit own the couch in the common area, lay out your manga collection, or playing cards, turn on the tv, greet people as the newer or exit, introduce yourself to your housemates, share your food and drinks, give advice to the newbies, collect coupons, or print out flyers for a cool or free upcoming event and let everyone know that you're trying to put together a group of friends for an overnight trip to the karaoke bar (all you can eat & drink). It works! Foreigners are surprisingly (generally) extremely nice to each other at these houses. They will quickly befriend and mother you. I made 3 new friend only first day in Tokyo, Japan. I am still friends with them to this day despite having moved all the way to Kansai.Foreigners at these houses are just as lost, worried, and anxious as you are about making friends so don't be shy! Bring your Wii or PlayStation downstairs and bring some spare controllers! You'll be the real MVP if your housemates didn't have the money to buy a new console or the space to carry their old one from home. Your housemates will also appreciate your generosity and will be happy to know that they have a gaming, party, shopping, or gossip buddy. You'll learn so much about other cultures and countries too.
Interpals
While this website isn't geared towards Japanese people in particular you can most certainly make some genuine friends here. I don't recommend this site in particular as it is mostly full of people who are just looking for free English lessons or that are desperate for a relationship with a foreigner. Basically the site is full of gaijin hunters and fake friends. Intervals is a site intended for finding friends from around the world for both language exchanges, traditional pen friends, and of course online friends as well. I have been a member of this site long before I imagined coming to Japan but I rarely use it as it's full of people from around the world looking for visas and free English lessons. Whenever it's not that then it's trolls and racists and stalkers men from Europe and the Middle East in particular. I'd still suggest making an account and giving it a shot as I have met a few really nice people from here too.
Thank you so much for reading!
If you have any other tips, tricks, locations, or apps that you'd like to recommend please leave your comment down below to help out others who are also in search of friends! You can also feel free to leave your general contact information that you don't mind sharing or your LINE ID here for potential friends to add you.
Be sure to tell other a little bit about yourself too! To avoid scams and spam please don't list your email address or phone number (usernames & ID's only)!
Stay Tuned!
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