You can watch my YouTube video on this topic here...
10 Things I Wish Black People in Japan Would Stop Doing
1. Stop Judging People's Pro-Blackness Based on Who They Date or Marry
Despite the lack of black people living in Japan a lot of black people have mixed feeling about interracial dating and marriage.
Dating or marrying outside of your race doesn't mean that you hate black people. Having a spouse that is not your race doesn't mean that you hate blacks. Marrying or dating outside of your race doesn't mean that you talk negatively about your race to your partner. Please stop assuming that because my boyfriend is Japanese that I must hate black men.
I have also noticed that this topic has a double standard in a very strange way. Black women seem to have mixed reactions about seeing other black women with a non-black man. They will either praise you and act shocked if they see you are in a serious relationship with a Japanese man or they will give you the stank eye and view you as someone who is hurting the back community by not having "black love".
When black men are seen with Japanese girls it makes most black women angry. They talk about how black men come to Japan and forget about them or accuse them of not wanting black love etc..
Black men almost always say negative things about black women who are with a Japanese man. They assume that they "want to be Japanese" hate themselves or see them as a bed wench or a sellout.
I find it quite ridiculous that people assume that you only love your partner because you want to have mixed race kids with light skin and 3 type hair. You have no idea what I talk about with my partner. I have never insulted or stereotyped black men just because my man is Japanese. I am always trying to educate the people I date and befriend about black history and culture. Yes I have dated black men and having sex with a black man or woman doesn't make you pro-black just like having sex or dating a Japanese person doesn't make you anti-black. You have no idea why that couple got together or for how long they have been dating or married to each other and it's none of your business! I can assure you that supporting and liking black people goes beyond making love with them in bed.
2. Stop Calling Other Black people "Tokens" for Not Wanting to be Your Friend
Not everyone that doesn't like you hate black people and that goes for other blacks too! We all have different personalities and come from different cultures and cities. The assumption that I just want to be a token is ridiculous. Black is a race not a personality. We may be the same race but are you a match for me? So because we are the same race I am supposed to ignore the fact that you have body odor your"re obnoxious and rude and we have nothing in common besides our African roots?
I also find that black men are often only trying to be my friend because they either want a wing woman OR the more likely case they want to date or have casual sex with me. I also find that black women are really just looking for connections whether it be searching for someone to braid their hair or finding a job that hires other blacks (they believe that their race is making it hard for them to find a job) jobs or even men. While I don't mind sharing information and helping the black people (I have an entire YouTube channel based on helping total strangers) but who wants to be friends with someone who is only using you for information? Who wants to date someone with an annoying or obnoxious personality? Who wants to have friends that are creepy and flirtatious?
Some people simply don't like to have friends and others don't care for mixing their personal life with their work life. Just because both of you are black and work together or live in the same building doesn't mean that you have to love each other as best friends or get married. You don't have to be rude or nasty to people just because you don't like them and I am not supporting those that do so. Let people befriend who they want to. As long as they aren't bullying or being rude to you people have the right to choose who they want to associate with.
3. Stop Fetishizing & Stereotyping Japanese People
I have both read comments and captions on Instagram and YouTube as well as had ridiculous conversations with black people on the topic of dating Asians . Japanese people aren't perfect. Black people aren't perfect. You can date outside of your race without putting them on a pedestal and bashing your own race. Just as a black guy can rape you or cheat on you so can a Japanese man. Just as a Japanese woman can be "tight" or docile so can a black woman.
I often hear black women say that Japanese men are too feminine for their liking but these same girls get angry when they hear people say that black women are too strong and masculine. Please stop saying that all Japanese men are feminine or too small etc.. Every man and woman is different. It is hypocritical to expect people to not stereotype you when you also have stereotyped them. I am not referring to generalizations like cultural differences like manners and personalities among Japanese people but rather using negative stereotypes to exclude an entire race of people from being a potential friend or date. I would be a liar if I acted like most Japanese men aren't shorter than the average western man and like they don't have smaller eyes than most western people, but having small eyes doesn't make someone ugly and some of the most handsome men in the world are short. you don't have to force yourself to date a Japanese person to prove that you aren't racist but be open to dating people whom you find to be attractive both physically and mentally. You can love your partner without fetishizing their race and believing that they are superior and incapable of doing any wrong simply because they are a certain race. Focus your love on the individual and not on their race.
4. Stop Complaining About & Bashing Everything in Japan
You don't have to lie to yourself or others about your likes and dislikes, your wants, feelings of being homesick, or your bad experiences in Japan but if all you ever do is talk about how bad anime is and how awful Japanese TV is and how you can't stand J-Pop then please hush. I don't understand why people choose to come to Japan just to hate on everything that exists here. I am not talking about just venting or talking about being treated poorly simply for being black but rather just focusing on everything negative in Japan that could be improved from the culture to stores. I didn't like Japanese tea or rice crackers when I first came here. I still can't eat natto. If you don't like Japanese culture food or people why are you here? I assume that it must be for money but if you are from a first world country the pay in Japan is trash so why not just go back home? You don't have to like every aspect of Japan in order to stay here but if you really just hate everything about this country then just go somewhere that makes you happy. No one wants to hear you rant about how silly kimonos and geisha are or about how disgusting karaage is. You are entitled to your own opinions and beliefs but nobody likes a hater. Stop being closed minded and try something new. I didn't care for foreign music or TV shows until I randomly got bored and after years of rejecting it I took my friends recommendation and looked into K-Pop and here I am 10+ years later living in Japan and a loyal K-Pop stan. I can't stand listening to people endlessly complain about the lack of soul food restaurants and black hair supply or makeup stores. yes we miss these things and we need some of them but surely there are also good things about Japan that are a lot better than what we have back at home.
5. Stop Trying to Start Black Only Cults
While there aren't a ton of these cults the ideas that these cults preach are followed and believed by many. There are some black people that will come to Japan, marry a Japanese woman and have children then turn around and tell you who you should or shouldn't marry and have kids with and accuse you of being sinful for having a mixed race child or marriage. These cults are full of irony and contradictions that simply don't add up. While I am 100% in support of black love I don't believe in allowing myself to be owned by any race of man. I am grateful that I live in a world where I have the freedom to date and marry who I want to. If you hate interracial relationships or friendships then leave Japan. Why would you move to a predominantly Asian country when you are against interracial marriages and think that mixed raced babies are the result of sinful behavior? Why does black love have to mean anti-mixed love? Shouldn't we be happy that one of our community members found a good partner? How do you know that they are raising their children or teaching their non-black partner to be anti-black? These cults are offensive and insulting and the leaders are the biggest hypocrites as they have no business coming here and couldn't even take their own advice which is why they have mixed race children themselves. They have convinced so many other blacks to settle for any other black person that comes their way or to remain single for life unless they are "fortunate" enough to find their partner who has to be 100% black in a country where over 95% of the population is Asian.
6. Stop Telling Black People What Race They Are
You don't decide who is black or not. You are not God nor are you the DNA police. If you are mixed race you are still part black. It is also likely that you are treated like a 100% black person based on your looks and cultural upbringing. My children will be both black and Japanese whether you like it or not. They will more than likely feel as though they can relate to being black more so than Japanese because of where we live and spending the majority of their time with me as their black mother.
Stop accusing people with light-skin, light colored eyes, or loose curls of black-fishing or getting upset when someone who looks racially ambiguous speaks on black issues or wants to be a part of a discussion or groups for black people. Being black in Japan can be a struggle within itself. The last thing people want is to be bullied and outcast out of the group of people in which they can relate to and identify with the most. Light-skin and mixed race people are also capable of being empathetic and sympathetic towards those with darker skin who have more complicated struggles as a black person but they also have their own issues too. This isn't the Oppression Olympics! We aren't trying to "invade" your space but we are also black people and have the right to speak our mind and vent too. Having a mixed race child doesn't "taint" our lineage or destroy the existence of black love. Most of us are already 20-25% European on average to begin with!
7. Stop Doing Ghetto, Illegal, and Weird Things Then Labeling it as a Racist Experience
Racism is REAL! There are people here that have double standards and that won't bat an eye if a white or Asian person where to do something, but if you where to do the exact same thing they'd be quick to judge and take action. However I often watch videos, read posts or talk to black people who bring their ridiculous habits from home abroad and expect to get a pass because they are a foreigner (gaijin card). I hate it when black people do illegal things ESPECIALLY if it is something that is stereotypical.
A lot of the Japanese people here have never had a real life interaction with a black person before. Their experiences with black people are limited to what they have seen on TV and the African guys that try to force people into sketchy parties, clubs, and brothels in the red light districts (in other words they are only working with negative stereotypes up until they day that you approach them). When you do crazy things that go against the cultural norm and that are disrespectful to the people around you then of course you will be met with evil glares, hateful words, and even harmful actions. I don't support bullying and I hope no one ever says or does anything harmful to you but you do have to understand that you are no longer in your home country. There are different rules and expectations that you are expected to abide by and follow.
You cannot do things like improperly disposing of garbage (throwing away futons or dumping your trash in a neighboring garbage can), taking shopping carts or baskets out of the store and into the parking lot to make it easier for you to carry your bags (not a normal thing to do in Japan), being loud and obnoxious in public spaces where silence is expected (sometimes talking on the train is okay or being loud in a restaurant but you have to read the room), wearing immodest clothing and complaining about being treated unfairly because your boss asked you to wear a shirt that doesn't show cleavage or necklines etc.. If you take off your wig before boarding the train or start applying gel and lotion to your hair on board you can't get mad if people take your photo or record you or if they point and laugh or shimmy away from you. You might think that what you are doing is normal and understandable or that the people around you are overreacting but your behavior is uncalled for, strange, disrespectful and comical to those that are around you. If you appear to be stealing then you will be watched and followed and treated like a thief and yes that included if you break the rules (written or unwritten) by taking store items like baskets and shopping carts outside of their intended place of use. If you dump your mattress in your neighbors dumpster instead of paying for it to be picked up you cannot get angry and say that Japanese people are racist because you got a ticket for using a dumpster that didn't belong to you and doing so in an illegal way.A lot of the rules that you are breaking are common sense to people who have done their research on Japanese culture and that have learned how to speak Japanese language. There are always things that you can learn about Japan no matter how old you are or how long you have been here. Making friends with the locals and getting advice from people that haven't only lived here for a long time but that have made an effort to assimilate and respect the country and the rules within it. We don't have to agree with or like the rules in order to respect and follow them. If it isn't going to harm you or someone else then I don't see why it's too much to ask for you to separate your trash or to avoid using strong perfumes and lotions, or to dress modestly at work.When you break the law or refuse to follow the etiquette here it discredits those of us who have truly had racist experiences.
8. Stop Staying Inside The (Black) Gaijin Bubble
Having black friends can be a lot of fun. Being with other people that look and think like you and that can relate to you from the start can help you handle your loneliness and anxiety of being the odd one out in Japan, but it can also have negative effects too. There are so many people here who only hang out with other foreigners or only other black people. Please stop missing out on opportunities to learn Japanese or make friend with the locals. Stop calling people fake for liking Japanese food or for having Japanese friends and not just staying in your little "Blacks Only" clique. Why come to Japan if you just want to be around the blacks 24/7? If you are unwilling to befriend people that don't look like you then why did you come to Japan? If I wanted to be around more blacks I'd have stayed in Chicago or New York. Choosing to associate and befriend non-black people doesn't make someone a sellout or anti-black.
I have never met a black person that stays in one of these bubbles that isn't miserable and that will end up staying here forever. They often lack cultural knowledge and Japanese language skills. These people usually are the ones to become depressed and feel isolated after having been here for 6 months-3 years and decide that Japan isn't for them because they feel as though they can't make friends or date people here. While there is more to life in Japan than having hundreds of friends or dating thousands of Japanese people becoming close to the locals here will make your stay in Japan much more enjoyable and it will help you to assimilate more smoothly.
You don't have to fake a new personality or drop all of your foreign friends but you do need to create more balance in your life between groups of friends. You can learn a lot by hanging out with different groups of people. You don't always have to be with other black women or men in order to have fun here. There is nothing wrong with having black friends or wanting to be with people who make you comfortable but don't limit yourself to this. There are fun exciting and good Japanese people here just as there are fun and exciting foreigners.
9. Stop Being a Natural Hair Nazi
Stop calling people anti-black for relaxing or straightening their hair in Japan. You have no idea why they have chosen to straighten their curls. Not everyone likes the way that they look with curly hair. Curly hair is also expensive and difficult to maintain for most women. Their are also limited resources for black women to use for styling their natural hair. There aren't a lot of places you can go to get your hair professionally done and there are limited over the counter products for black women to use from pharmacies and convenience stores for maintaining their curls. Not everyone wants straight hair because they want to be Asian or white. This topic is so hypocritical when you consider the fact that nearly every back woman in the world has either had a relaxer or straightened their hair at some point of their life. I personally wasn't allowed to relax my hair as a child and as someone with 3B-3C hair my hair is really easy to care for but I still prefer my hair straightened over curled. It is just a personal preference. I don't go around acting like I am better than others because I spent 22 years being natural compared to your 2-5 years BEFORE it became a trend on Instagram and YouTube. Mind your own curls! Unless you plan to buy my hair supplies and style my hair then please don' tell me how to wear my hair. It is okay to tell someone that they should try to go natural or to recommend a stylist or products to use but don't become angry if someone chooses to do otherwise.
10. Stop Only Focusing on The Negative Things
I understand the want and need to express yourself. Having to bottle up your feelings and not feeling comfortable sharing your experiences and struggles with other white or Asian people is understandable too. I vent to people all the time on my YouTube channel and I am always telling my boyfriend and family about my bad days but there has to be balance.Venting is fine but let's talk about more than just the bad things here. I don't always want to focus on the bad things and racism here. I want to be happy too! We don't have to sugarcoat and brush our problems under the rug or ignore problems like racism and discrimination but we can have meetings, parties, dinner and conversations without the main topic just being about depressing things like bullying or the lack of black products in Japan etc.. Let's talk about the really good food that we had or the new black owned restaurant that just opened. Let's talk about a new drama that we saw on TV or a cool song that we found while eating lunch at McDonald's. Let's uplift each other by talking about positive and good things too. We can share recommendations and talk about the fun and cool things that we have seen here and make plans for places that we want to go here. We can address the struggles of life in Japan as a person of color but we can also spend a lot more time being happy and positive about the good things in our life too!
