25 Annoying Things That Japanese People Say and Do to Foreigners

1.) Asking For You to Teach English For Free

If I wanted a language exchange I'd ask in a much nicer less "I'm just using you" kind of way. I teach English both public and privately but for a fee. What do I have to gain from this arrangement? You should have at least offered an exchange although one can argue that it was already implied... I am aware that often times it's men who ask me this and really it's because they like me and want to have a cute teacher but it's not a compliment and instead it's a total turnoff.

2.) Offering to Pay You For Sex

This is beyond disrespectful as you're assuming that I am a prostitute. Really you're calling me a prostitute. Sadly they probably have a spouse! Unless you're being asked to pay a fee even if you're on Tinder its rather rude to send this type of message. It's a total turn off. Unless that's what you're into. I have literally been walking through stations and even sitting on a park bench or waiting in lounges and men will randomly come up to me begging for sex and attempting to bribe me with money, gifts, dinners and drinks. Americans are direct and a bit aggressive about hitting on you but NEVER have I ever had someone open their wallet and just bluntly say "how much?".

3.) Asking You For Free Sex

I'm not sure which is worst offering to pay me for sexual favors OR assuming that because I am a foreigner I'd have no problem with having sex with you free of charge EVEN although your profile picture is a bowl of ramen or you with a mask on and black shades.... or something worst.

4.) Asking If You Like Japanese Men/Women

Why does this matter? I can live, work or visit Japan without having any sexual attraction in it's people as most tourist (specifically females) do. Saying that I like Japanese men doesn't mean that I'll necessarily like you. Let's not forget about height, weight, facially beauty, education and success. You know, the same reasons why you found me attractive I probably want the same in my partner too.

5.) Apologizing For Not Being Well Endowed

Nothing is more of a turn off than your partner apologizing for being small. It's true that on average Asian men have small hands, penises, feet, and are short men in general BUT not all Asian men have a small dick. If yours is then don't be ashamed of it and please don't cry about it because its a bit awkward and uncomfortable. Oh and lastly please don't tell me about your dick size if we aren't dating, or planning to sleep with each other because um yeah I never asked you so you telling me this is a red flag for me to run.

6.) Assuming You'll Return to Your Home Country

I understand that you've been brainwashed into thinking that anyone who is not Japanese can't adapt to Japan and thus will inevitably return to their country of origin but it's a stereotype and isn't true for everyone. Instead just ask if I'm a tourist or if I plan to live here etc.. If I say that I am planning to live here please don't make snarky remarks about how you think I'll go back etc..

7.) Telling You That Japanese is Too Hard For You to Learn 

Once again please stop reinforcing these stupid myths. Japanese is NOT hard. Kanji is hard but Reading, speaking and writing is NOT. The problem is that most people here are tourists and not immigrants thus they have no intention learning your little fairy island pixie dust language. Also most important signs are written in English and a lot of people can read write and understand basic English so I'll admit that this does make people a bit lazy about mastering the language for those of us that do live here like myself.

8.) Insisting That Japanese People Aren't Racist

This is soon annoying. Yes I can and will agree that Japanese people aren't 1940's white American racist BUT Japanese people are so racist that they don't even realize it. Almost all of my friends and every single one of my ex-boyfriends all of whom are/were Japanese have said unintentionally racist things about Chinese and Korean people. I went to the hospital recently without insurance and the staff told me that they trust me because I am American and that they don't trust Chinese or Koreans because they never pay and go back to their home country... What if I was married to a Chinese or Korean? What if I was half? They don't even see how this is a prejudice statement. Not to mention most Japanese people will tell you that they can't date or marry a Chinese person (specially a woman) because she's rude, loud, has a no manners etc.. If that's not prejudice or racist than what is?

9.) Telling You How It's Their Dream to Fuck a Foreigner

Why would anyone who doesn't have a fucking problem, AIDS, or HIV agree to this arrangement? It's one thing to have a preference it's another to make it clear that your intention is just to have sex with me and nothing more. On the flip side at least you're being honest as a lot of guys and even girls will pretend to want a relationship only to have mixed babies OR to tell their friends that they had sex with a foreigner.

10.) Insulting Japanese/Asian Men and Women

You don't have to insult other Asians to show admiration and interest in foreign men or women. Self-hate is never a good thing. Remember your kids will still be half Japanese! All foreigners don't look or act the way you invasion just like all Japanese men and women aren't the shy, angry, childish selfish flat bodied people that you're generalizing them to all be. FYI I'm a black girl and my ex's and boyfriend can tell you that I "act" like a Japanese girl (besides the childish part haha). I am not loud, outgoing, dominant or a a feminist. I am curvy and  look exotic but my personality doesn't fit the mold of what you think you're about to get yourself into. Jokes on you!

11.) Assuming That You're an English Teacher

I am an English teacher but I have also worked other jobs. Enough about me though! Not all foreigners are teachers. Most? Yes! All of them? Absolutely not! A lot of foreigners work at restaurants, various offices, and IT centers. Also being a teacher doesn't mean that you're an English teacher. I work part-time at a language school but my full-time job is at an international school. I actually teach Math and English but when I say English I mean like how you'd take a literature class in America. My students are already at a near native level. It's a generalization. Why does it matter that I'm an English teacher specifically? What do you do?!

12.) Being Cheap And Using Feminism as an Excuse

This will surely trigger some of my reader but I'm old fashioned. I believe that the man should pay for the entirety of the date. If you can't afford it then don't ask me out or don't agree to go with me. Not all foreign women are extreme feminist. I support women's rights and believe that they deserve the right to choose to work or not, equal pay for equal work etc. BUT if you think you're going to be a cheapskate on the dinner bill and think I'm going to split the fee for a love hotel with your apologetic penis... ummm no thanks! PASS! I'd much rather you tell me upfront that we will split the bill so i can tell you "no thanks!" in advance. FYI I usually offer to pay my half or for the entirety of the bill anyone but it looks really bad to me if you don't insist on paying or at least offer to do so. Why? Because culturally in Japan, Japanese women expect for men to do so here. Most men find it embarrassing to split the bill at the register or for a woman to pay for his food anyway. My guy friends have pulled me to the side and let me know that I embarrassed them by insisting that I pay the entirety of the tab.

13.) Not Giving or Offering The Same Service to You 

Before I learned Japanese I can't tell you how many times I walked out of the convenience, grocery, or electronics store without being asked if I wanted my bento to be microwaved, a rewards card, if I needed bags, or if I'd like to take tickets from the mystery prize box  thingy after having spent $10-$20. I understand that most foreigners here are tourist who don't speak or understand a lick of Japanese but you're stereotyping and lumping us all together! How can we learn if you never speak to us in Japanese?! Back then I didn't know that the staff should have been asking these questions. When they would ask I'd look confused so they'd just take my money and let me leave without my potentially free stuff or free service.

14.) Asking Direct Rude or Sexualized Questions That They'd Never Ask a Japanese Person

Why would you ask a stranger what size bra they wear, if they like sex, wear or if they have a big dick? Would you ask this to a Japanese girl? I always say that and I usually get some sort of apology in response although occasionally they'll say "but you're better than a Japanese girl!". That was never my question and it's the wrong answer opinions about me aside...

15.) Telling You How Cute Your Mixed Babies Will Be

I get it! You're trying to compliment me, but actually this is just scaring me away. I don't want to talk or think about kids with a guy I just met 5 minutes ago. Save that for when you're actually in a relationship and NOT for a first date conversation. At least not an opening conversation for the night... It raises red flags and makes me feel as though I am being used to produce cute biracial babies with you. Anyway whose to say that I find you attractive?  I've dated lots of unattractive men because I thought they were nice guy and made me feel special too. Looks are important but they aren't everything. The world is full of cute jerks.

16.) Assuming That All Foreigners Like & Dislike The Same Things 

My Realtor insisted that I'd like to live near Yoyogi Park because "many foreigner live here".  I get what you're saying but that's beyond stupid! you're stereotyping all of the foreigners in Japan most of which are Asian and European. My friends assume that I can't eat sushi and will even tell me that they know I can't eat sushi so let's get a hamburger. It's true that I don't like natto or octopus and almost my entire family finds sushi to be pretty gross but again just ask me don't make assumptions and I won't assume that you enjoy cat & dog stew or that you skin dolphins for a living.

17.) Telling White Lies to Avoid Rejecting You or Hurting Your Feelings

If you're not looking for anything serious and you know that you don't have any intention in marrying me just tell me. If you think that I'm too fat then break up with me. Making indirect and rude hints or pretending to just need more time is more hurtful than just being upfront (in privacy of course). If you think our last argument was a fireship or relationship deal breaker than just say it. Oh and if you were wondering yes I have experienced both of these scenarios and many more sadly. Remember I am still learning your culture so I have to learn to both be indirect and to read your mind because a "Japanese yes "isn't always a "yes" but a "Japanese No" is most definitely a "no".  I'll make YouTube video and a blog post about my 2 embarrassing "ex-boyfriends" whose lies and ghosting letting me looking pretty stupidly and feeling extremely suicidal.

18.) Pretending to Be Your Friend 

If you don't want to be friends for whatever reason PLEASE I beg of you just tell me. You'd save my time, breath, money.

19.)  Sharing Too Much About Their Dating Preferences

Again I personally don't think that there's anything wrong with having racial preferences BUT I don't think its necessary to be vocal about them especially if your preferences are due to blinded fever thus when you open your mouth your entire speech if full of stereotypes. Not all foreign women are busty, have big butts, wide hips, full lips, enjoy sex etc..  Refer back to #9 and #10 above. I don't want to know about how you only date foreigners or how all of your ex's are European women etc.. So are we dating seriously or am I just a token trophy to add to your stash and a story for you to share with the boys?

20.) Pretending to Have Been Too Busy to Reply/ Leaving Messages Unread

I used to believe that Japanese people especially men are soon busy and overwhelmed with work and study that they can't reply to messages within a timely manner. I was told that you're lucky to get a text or email back within a day. If you're an idiot like I was and believed that well boy are you wrong! My REAL friends and my partner all of whom are Japanese text everyday all day non-stop via LINE and sometimes even Facebook. Japanese men make time for who and what they want to. Men are men. It doesn't matter what country they're from. My boyfriend is on a year long business trip and doesn't even have phone service yet he finds hotspots and makes sure to text me "good morning" and "goodnight" everyday. He also tell me what he's doing and make sure my day is going well. He asks if and what I've eaten and makes sure that I am being taken care of just as I do to and for him. What I have isn't rare but it's REAL! If your so called partner always has excuses it's because it's not just you that he's flirting with... FYI salarymen only work from 9-6 and anytime after that and often times even before that is unproductive work. Playing in the bathroom, taking smoke breaks, konbini runs, texting and playing games on their phones, scrolling through Instagram, Twitter and Facebook and liking posts etc.. Believe me his phone is ALWAYS in his hand, on his front desk or in his pants pocket. They're no different than Americans! I mean who doesn't have separation anxiety from their cellphone?!

21.) Assuming That You Speak English Because You're Not (Or Don't Look) Japanese

Most tourist here are Asian. Most of the world is Asian. Most people's first language is NOT English. Overtime you see a white or a black person DOESN'T mean that you should use English to talk to them. I had a French friend who was a white woman with red hair and she barely spoke or understood any English but she was at somewhere between an N3-N2 Japanese Level. Even when she'd use Japanese people would ask her to teach them English or reply back in English. I'll admit that a lot of foreigners both European and Asian actually speak very good fluent English (i.e Chinese, Indians, Filipinos) and some even at a near native level (i.eDanish, Koreans and Germans). Unless a foreigner asks for you to speak to them in English please refrain from using it even if their Japanese is bad. I am a Chicagoan and worked at both the SkyDeck and Navy Pier and I wouldn't have dared to attempt to speak any simple Chinese greetings to any of the guests that I served. Why? Because I was certain about their nationality of language. Sure just like you I could generalize and stereotype. Most Asians are Chinese. Most people in the world are Chinese. arguably most of the world speaks Chinese although statistically that part isn't true. I could say it makes since to assume that you too are Chinese because that's exactly what 70% of the Asian tourists were!  Japanese people LOOOOVE to rant about how racist Americans and Europeans are for calling them Chinese or saying "nihao" to them but Japanese people do the exact same thing. Besides they can't tell Europeans or Africans apart from each other without them speaking. Simply tell me that you speak English and ask if I'd prefer it. Don't hand me an English menu and don't reply to me in English without me asking for you to do so.

22.) Talking Shit Because They Think You Can't Understand Them

I have literally sat next to people complaining about their being too many foreigners in Japan, I had a group of drunk salary men talk about how provocative foreign women dress while pointing and whispering right across from me in a full but quiet train. I've never seen anyone do this to a Japanese person in all of my years of taking the train to and from work and what's worse is that none of the people in that car stood up for me or told them to stop it. At the time my Japanese was so poor I didn't understand what was being said until my American friend told me after I expressed my suspicions about their conversation about me.  FYI I was wearing black tight a blue long coat that came to my knees and black boots  and a blue mini dress that stopped mid thigh. I have seen Japanese women with belly shirts and cleavage exposed and mini skirts without socks or tight in stilettos and not a single soul said anything to them or even looked twice in their direction. God forbid you see a foreigners shoulder or knees! I dress modestly here and when my clothing is somewhat short i cover my legs and wear shorts underneath. I actually purchased that entire outfit from a Japanese clothing store in Shibuya!

23.) Over Complimenting/Praising Your Mediocre Japanese Cultural and Language Skills

If you can introduce yourself in Japanese, if you know how to write "hajimemashite" (using kanji), if you can use chopsticks properly people will tell you how "good" your Japanese is. Maybe it is really good BUT I haven't even started a full conversation with you yet. That's as basic as "Hello" or "Hi it's nice to meet you!" in English. I think everyone knows what that means. It's sort of a backhanded compliment in a way. However I will admit that it is motivational to continue prating Japanese in a way. By the way if you've been living in Japan for a year you should know all of these things and much more and you should be a chopstick pro! Again this all goes back to the stereotype that foreigners can not learn Japanese and that they can't use chopsticks. We all have to start somewhere! Just a few years ago my chopstick skills were HORRIBLE until I watched a good YouTube video that made it simple. Now my skills are better than my ex-boyfriends. Hmm I'll have to have a duel with Sho to see who has fancier eating skills but for now I'll say he does haha.

24.) Stalking 

I can't tell you how many times a man has harassed and followed me around sometimes even to my home! No means no! If someone says that they aren't interested in dating you, being your friend, having, sex or exchange contact information LINE, email, Facebook, Instagram then GO AWAY NOW! There's also no need to spam people with messages. I got the first 5 messages you sent me. If I am interested I'll reply if you don't get a reply forget them! There's plenty of other foreigners (if thats what you're after) that'll glad do those things with and for you. Don't be a creep and don't settle for less than you deserve because hey not all foreigners are nice and good people either!

25.) Ghosting 

Ahhh.... this is the worst anyone who's been living in Japan or that has had a pen-pal knows how much this hurts. You think everything's fine and going good. You have disagreement, a fight, or say something a bit awkward and then you apologize and they say it's okay and reassure you that you've been forgiven. Maybe you're a couple! You had a great date you met his colleagues and had dinner together and then all of a sudden he's too busy to read your text messages. You my friend have just been ghosted. Japanese ghosts are the worst because they're so genuine. It usually comes out of nowhere. the worst part is that you'll never get any closure. They'll never tell you why they don't want to be your friend or why they can't be your partner. My ex-not-boyfriend ignored my messages for some unknown reason after I went to a company outing with him and he even arrange a date afterwards a week later. We did't have a fight or an argument but he just ghosted me. It wasn't until he saw me upload a picture of Sho & I on LINE. He then asked if I had a boyfriend and if I was happy. I simply replied we don't talk anymore... (fuck that's a song now haha).

25.) Wanting to Date or Marry Foreigners Without Compromising Their Culture

If you really love foreigners you have to be willing to give and take. Interracial and international relationships are very difficult because their are both racial differences as well as cultural differences that you must learn to understand, accept and deal with. Deciding how to celebrate holidays, roles in the relationship as well as how to satisfy each others emotional and sexual needs are things that you will have to discuss no matter how direct or awkward it may be. Naturally if you're living in Japan you'll have to be willing to compromise a bit more as a part of assimilation but as a partnership your boyfriend or girlfriend should accommodate you personally in an attempt to make you feel at home by meeting your personal wants and expectations. Deciding things like who should do the chores, pay for Taco Tuesday, manage the finances, and various other things. Just because you're living in Japan shouldn't mean that you have to give up all of your traditions or change your relationship expectations entirely. If your partner truly loves you they should be open to celebrating your holidays and theirs as well as being a gentleman for you, kissing or hiding your hand in public, buying you flowers etc.. Don't forget that you should play fair! Give him a massage, cook his favorite meal, or make a nice bath from him after work.
There has to be balance in order for things to work. Every couple is different but do keep in mind a refusal to compromise or a demand to split the chores, or the bill could be a deal breaker for many partners.






So how about you? Every friendship and partnership is different. Japan is full of foreigners from different parts of Asia and Europe. What have your experiences been? Do you have any annoying reoccurring things that Japanese men or women tend to say or do to you?  Naturally being anywhere for a while will cause you to develop pet-peeves  and micro-aggressions. Of course I am aware that some of these things are done out of innocence but it doesn't stop it from being annoying.
Please feel free to share your opinion down in the comments below!
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