This is one of the most questioned topics that African-American women who have a love for Japan or Asian pop culture, want to have answers to. If you happen to be a woman of color, whether you are black brown, yellow or red, you are probably curious as to what dating will be like for you on a small island where everyone has the same perception of beautiful and it's generally the polar opposite of your natural appearance.
You will either l
ove me for my honesty or hate me to death for making such a post. Sorry not sorry.
For my European-gaijin sisters I will have a general post about dating as a foreign woman soon. The link will be down below (you can also use the search bar on this blog too).
I recommend that black women read both posts since this one here is just about the differences in dating as a black woman.
The "general" (other) dating post will cover topics of communication sex dates etc. in more detail.
First thing's first. Before you can understand what it's like to date as a black woman you must first understand a few key points.
I will warn you now that
this is not meant to be a feel good article, or to bash Japan or Japanese people or white women. I am simply stating the truth (alternative facts as some may call them). This is my perception from what I have both seen, heard, experienced and witnessed. You don't have to take my word for it!
Go visit Japan yourself and talk to some people or simply look around and you will see! Anyone who can honestly disagree needs to take their head out of the sand or their ass. The truth hurts. This is
my unfiltered TRUE opinion on what dating is like as a black woman through my eyes. I have been in Japan for about 7 months at this point, but I have been on tons of dates, made tons of friends and I am attending a
predominantly Japanese university. I have lots of insight to offer. I am young and while I may struggle with my own self-image at times, I would consider myself to be attractive and I think most people would agree with that statement both in America & in Japan (not to brag or anything this is an alternative fact btw).
Please understand that looks do matter here (it's not just because you're black)! Personality is just as important but your appearance and personality combined can open or shut doors for you as there is already naturally a language barrier no matter how good your Japanese is.
I wanted to make this post very lengthy to cover EVERYTHING that I admittedly and desperately scoured the internet for before I came to Japan. This is
unfiltered tough love information for black women who like Japanese men or who would like to test the waters in the dating pool of Japan. Some of these things may also apply to white women too, and that's okay I will have another post that will share some of the information in this post too for women in general.
So before we go any further I ask that you
remove your PC shades, loosen up, learn how to laugh and breathe, accept the fact that there are differences between us on cultural, mental and physical levels that are hard to explain and sometimes to even comprehend.
Japanese Beauty Standards for Women
To me this is actually quite sad and Japan is not alone in this. I would say the whole world idolizes the appearance of looking white or of European descent. I feel awkward when I see women besides me wearing all black even black gloves with a black umbrella and black shades to avoid any sunlight from touching their skin.
As a black woman I grew up around people who were convinced that I was biracial or "stuck up" because I had "light skin" and "long" or "good hair"(not really but I was categorized as having it). The boys at my school and even in my neighborhood preferred light skin girls over dark skin, colored eyes over brown eyes, long hair over short etc.. You get where this is going right? Anything that made you look less like what you really are was considered as a good thing!
The less black you looked the more white you were presumably.
It's a silly concept, but to be fair people like rarity. It's not impossible (I have friends and know black people with more yellow complexions, dark complexions and green eyes and even natural bright red hair) but unlike white people, minorities of every kind tend to have a more cookie cutter mold/appearance in MOST aspects.
Black people can easily win the award for the most diverse complexions overall but we all generally have the same eyes, hair etc.. People always want what they can't or don't have. That's life.
Japan is no different. Women
spend hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to look like white women often referred to as looking "hafu/half" (a.k.a as close as I can get to being white). Women wear makeup and tights that are lighter than their actual complexion. Bleach and whitening agents are included in almost every body or skincare product under the sun. Umbrellas are commonly used on a sunny day and chalked up as being to prevent sunburn and skin cancer (yeah right bullshit isn't that what sunscreen is for?).
The difference between Japanese & African-Americans is
the acceptance of wanting to be white, western looking, pale whatever you want to call it. In America you'd have shade for days and a world of judgement and hate should someone discover that you've trying to whiten yourself up. In Japan it's totally normal, commonly accepted no one bats an eye at a woman who looks like a ghost.
When I say that women (and men too) here want to be white you probably just imagine a caucasian man or woman. No, no, no. They want to BE
WHITE like the crayola crayon I mean as pale as you can possibly be. Not in a natural way.
Now once again I am not here to judge. To be honest I think that sadly every minority (myself included) has wished that they were white at some point in their life. I remember my mother telling me a story of her best friend
praying at night to God with her Barbie doll that she would wake up as a white girl. It's a sad but true reality. So let's not point fingers and hate but understand where each other come from.
You will see the ugliest of both men and women American, Australian, Italian, French, German, British, and various other countries but here in Japan they are worshipped and treated like God's. This was hard for me to understand and so I quickly thought and
accused my friend of liking people blindly and stupidly just because they were white * insert eye roll*, but I was wrong. There is much more to it. I personally like Japanese men.
I don't like all Asian men. I would not date or marry someone just because they are Japanese. I would have to personally think that they were cute, funny, friendly etc.. Otherwise I would have been married at least 3-5 times by now (I had a guy ask me to marry him but he was creepy and I will talk about that in a video later).
I have standards. There are specific things that I look for in a man.
Well just as I know I have standards, to my Asian friends I clearly don't appear to. We view beauty differently. Having a large honker that sticks out 12 ft in front of your face and makes kissing like a TombRaider 4 puzzle is attractive. Large eyes, small mouth, slim face, small head, pale skin, blue eyes, basically anything that doesn't look Asian is exotic and attractive.
I can relate to some of these things, but others just leave me on WTF mode. It's a cultural difference.
Japanese men who I think are hot and could be models in America are average-okay and sometimes even deemed as ugly here. Why? Because they look like
"a typical Japanese". You will hear that phrase a lot if you befriend Asian girls while here in Japan. Just as I was quick to judge and view my friends as desperate
they were all pointing back at me and thinking the same thing.
Where I come from in America
there is no single standard for beauty. In Asia there is only 1 standard. If you look "western" (God I hate that term and in this case I mean white not just foreign) you are deemed as fuckable and lovable. It's really that simple. American girls have many different tastes. The only thing we mutually agree on is that we want our men to be tall, and to take the lead. There is no ideal face shape, complexion, weight etc.. We view beauty on an individual scale that's set to be judge differently based upon the person. In Japan such a scale does not exist and beauty is one size fits all (no pun intended). Either you have "the look" or you don't and therefore you need to get it!
So to wrap up this part basically the overall standard of beauty that is across the board here in Japan and every Japanese citizen will agree on is that having pale skin, being of European descent is the first and arguably most attractive thing about someone specifically a woman (I think my Japanese female friends will say that they like blue eyes and blonde hair even more than pale skin on men).
Personality Check
This is the most controversial part of this post but getting upset only proves my point more. I don't care about what you have seen, read or what you were told. Come to Japan and befriend Japanese men and women. take a look around. Open up your eyes and take off your PC shades once more. Japan and particularly
Japanese women are not looking for a hero or for someone to rescue them (I will rant about this more in another video and blog post).
Men expect to work hard until they die and they wouldn't have it any other way. Women expect to cook, clean and shop for their families and they do it with honor. Both Japanese men and women give it their all.
Feminism is NOT, I repeat NOT welcome or well understood here. Most people associate feminism with women who think they don't need a man because they can have a good job and can make their own money just like the men do. That's not quite exactly what feminism is in America. That's a small corner of it to a degree, sure, but it's really about equality. I am personally not a feminist if you couldn't already tell (sorry not sorry). The way in which Japanese people think may seem
outdated and old-fashioned, but to them it is not.
Honestly I prefer their way of thinking to the "American way". I went on a date with a man and he asked me if I knew how to cook. I replied yes and asked him the same question.
He literally laughed aloud and said "of course not! I am a man I don't cook!" My mother told me I should have said "I guess you don't eat then either huh?"
Now before you get all angry!!!
Yes! There is always an exception to every rule. You can find a man here that you can beat and whip into submission, and that will pack your lunches, scrub the bathroom floor by hand for his "queen". You may even find a more "American traditional man" who will split the chores and bills down the middle. Well good luck to you! Just know that if I were you I would be weary of any relationship that's supposed to be serious in which a Japanese man is willing to live in Japan and go against his cultural upbringing to make a snobbish foreign girl happy.
Look,
despite our differences as feminists or non-feminist I think we should all be able to agree on this. If you are going to live in "his" country you should be willing to change your mindset and make some sacrifices for the sake of your relationship or marriage to keep things running smoothly. Being a stay at home mom or wife IS a job and a hard one. It is stressful and time consuming and the work life of a salary man is no walk in the park. I wouldn't dare ask my husband to help or even split the chores or any kind of work with me after spending like 12-16 hours at work. Sure you can argue that you work too (if you happen to have a career like your boyfriend or husband) but unlike him you don't HAVE to work you CHOOSE to. So to expect him do your job because you wanted to do his.... Okay I'm done making your blood boil. Go ahead, fight me and bite me. Someone will understand what I mean here!
If he's okay with this or encourages you to split everything or somethings then by all means go ahead but don't get angry or feel belittled if he seems confused as to why you can't or refuse to do it yourself.
Your anger only shows ignorance of Japanese culture on your end and it might make him question if he should have just dated or married a Japanese woman instead.
In general your man will be sweet and offer to help occasionally when he can, but to have brawls over housework, shopping etc. is silly at it's best. If he loves you and cares to study your culture he will try to be "fair" with you and accommodate your "western" culture.
Just as women are expected to perform 1950's womanly tasks, your behavior is expected to match it. If you have a loud, obnoxious, ghetto, overbearing personality unless you are looking for a Roppongi wannabe-thug, having an attitude and being loud or rude is seen as manly and thus unfavorable. Japanese men like girly-girls. Being ultra-feminine and translation "kawaii" is platinum here. Men love women who are intelligent, respectful, shy, caring, and loving. If you don't know what Japanese men want watch this guide right here....
This Will Show You How To Be The Perfect Girlfriend (please read and pay attention closely)
That should answer all of your questions. I swear whoever made that song had a Japanese husband or knew someone with one. So much truth in one song. Basically having a sweet charming personality is prized in Japan.
The Honest Truth
As a black woman in Japan things are very similar here in Japan as they are in America. If you were raised with any class in America and came from a predominantly white neighborhood you were probably taught that the spotlight is always on you and that you always have to "put on a show" because you have to represent your entire race. Japan is no different. In Tokyo there are "more" black people than in other parts of Japan, BUT there are hardly any. You rarely see black people and most of these so called black people are not "mutts" (a.k.a African-Americans mixed with roughly 25%ish European etc.) from various countries but rather pure Africans who came directly from Africa and thus carry themselves and behave differently often speaking English as a second language and harassing people in Kabukicho, Shibuya and Roppongi. Similarly to America, Japanese people can't tell the difference, so you will all be grouped together which sucks, because sadly that is the only interaction that they have ever had with a black person and it gives a bad name and image for those of us who are not loud, stalkers, hustlers, soliciting people to enter clubs and parties. Not to say that all of the Africans here are like that but well let's just be real for a second....
Most Japanese men have never considered dating a black woman for a few reasons.
1.) They don't know you exist!
You never hear about black women in Japan, like never ever. It's not because you're not attractive there simply isn't enough women living here or touring here for there to be a movement, fetish, or spark conversation amongst men etc.. Most people have never even seen a black woman in person. I can count the number of black women I've seen (including Africans on my 2 hands). There's mostly foreign men in Japan and when you do see a woman or a black women at that, it's rare, very shocking and suprising. 9 times out of 10 she is dating or married to a white man or on vacation for just a few weeks to a month.
2.) Stereotypes
There are both good and bad stereotypes about black people in general. Same crap you've heard in the U.S applies here. Also because the world loves America and follows American media closely. Who would want to date someone who acts like and looks like Madea?! The black women on popular American TV shows, in the movies and commercials often portray black women as unattractive unfeminine, masculine, loud ghetto women with 7 kids and 5 baby daddies. While this may cause Japanese men to laugh it's hard to believe or associate real black women as anything different from what they've seen and have been told. Remember as I said before, being shy cute and feminine is gold here. If you come off as demanding aggressive, ghetto, ignorant, Housewives of Tokyo (that would make a good show actually) you can say goodbye to about 99.9% of Japanese men here. Let's face it. I hope you don't fall into that dreaded stereotype (no pun intended), but a lot of people do which is why it is a stereotype and it sucks but life is not fair.
3.) They Simply Don't Like You (sorry you're not cute)!
This truth is a bit harsh. As a black woman it's always hard to tell if someone doesn't like you because you are black or if they just don't like "you" (but you so happen to be a black person). Let's face it! You're no Snow White. For a lot of people that alone can be a deal breaker. Dark skin is not sought after in Japan. However it could also be that YOU are just unattractive.
Everyone wants to believe that they are beautiful, but the thing is that not everyone is attractive. Don't believe me, then pick up your Bible! Because even God himself referred to Him (him being Jesus Christ) as an average looking man. You may think that you are "smokin' oakin" (sorry for using that line) but to him you may look more like Ugly Bob.... Everyone has their own taste and opinion.
Preferences do exist. When Japanese men think about dating foreign women the term foreign is almost synonymous with white woman. As I mentioned before there's hardly any black people here and as the stereotype goes "we" don't travel much and when we do it's the same few places within America.
Black people always go to Miami, New York, Chicago, Houston, Vegas or Los Angeles. Black women AS A WHOLE in my opinion are the least bit interested in Asia, Japan, anime, J-pop or even K-pop. YES there are black women who love Japanese or Asian pop culture (like you & I) but MOST are unaware of it or simply not interested. It's hard to like what you've never seen.
In fact let's flip this. I will speak for myself too. In America I grew up in both predominantly white and black neighborhoods in Chicago. I never imagined dating, liking, or marrying an Asian man. Not necessarily because I thought they were unattractive, but I hadn't seen many and most of the Asian men that I saw were
#1 Not Japanese
#2 Way older than me
#3 Unattractive
#4 Tourists
#5 I like most black people harbored stereotypes about Asians unconsciously
I simply wasn't exposed to enough Asian men to make a rational decision about them. I always considered myself to be open to any ethnicity as long as he's cute, funny, taller than me and friendly. I'm all game.
However because I didn't see Asian men, I never thought about being with one. The only time Asian men crossed my mind was when I saw a nerd or martial arts guy in some racist movie or TV show. Similarly to how most Asian men have only seen black women in some ghetto hood-film about drugs and gangsters.
Just because you think you are cute or maybe you are cute in your home country DOES NOT mean that you are a super star here in Japan.
You don't have to change yourself by any means but you'd do have to accept that if you don't have a "Japanesey" or charming personality and good looks dating here will be VERY difficult for you. You need to look and be approachable and cute. Otherwise you will feel invisible in the dating scene here in Tokyo. Yes, of course you can find an odd man who loves biker chicks, rocker girls, and thugs, but most men here will find that type of style and look off putting and will not see you as wifey material.
What Is Dating Like?
To be honest the topic will rarely be about your race/ethnicity but more so about your American (or whatever respective country you came from) culture. Japanese men are smart. They are great listeners and authentically care about what you are saying to them. When I go on dates men ask me where I am from and I reply that I am from America and thus American they do not play charades or twenty questions with me. I am simply seen and referred to as a "hot American girl", which I am. Yes Iam bragging.
I have had a few dates do the dreaded (no pun intended) no no's such as touching my hair, running their hands through my hair feeling my skin, and asking if I had a perm when my hair was curly (go figure!).
Honestly I have never been bothered by this and never will be. I totally understand the curiosity about my hair and skin. My skin is dark and so is my very curly hair. If you had never seen a black person or touched a black person's skin and hair you'd naturally want to. Besides naturally curly hair is practically non-existent in Asia. I have touched my Asian and white friends hair and felt their skin so why can't they? Not to make excuses for Japanese people, but you have to remember that Japan is not America. It is almost entirely Japanese or otherwise Asian. They do not deal with or believe in racism here (but they believe it exists in America ironically) and do not understand that those things can be seen as prejudice, dehumanizing, and cause for an uncomfortable situation.
Japanese people constantly use the term "foreigner(s). That is the only term I hate more than "western". You will constantly be referred to as a foreigner and grouped together with every non-Japanese person.
That's understandable because duuuh, I'm not Japanese, but it's a bit annoying when Japanese people assume that you will like or behave a certain way because "that's what many foreigner like or do" *insert eye roll here*. The funny thing is that this statement is racist but they don't see it.
Yet I have to listen to rants from both my Asian friends and dates about Americans thinking that they are all Chinese and saying "nihao" (however you spell that). In all fairness most of the Asians both in the world and in America are Chinese! It's a good guess and some Japanese people look more Chinese, but I know it's a pride thing.
Hey I'm of African descent and no Asian has ever asked if I spoke French or any other language people instantly and always speak to me in English! Nobody has ever asked what country I am from. I mean Africa is a continent! And now we are getting off subject so anyway!......
Japanese men ask me the same questions that they ask my white friends. "Is there anything you can't eat? Why did you come to Japan? What is your major? Do you like Japanese guys because I heard western girls don't like Japanese men? Can you eat raw food like horse, sushi etc.?" They also tell me the same stuff. Men will try to impress you by asking if you like their car, telling you that they are so American that they can eat the greasiest food on the menu and expressing their love for the All American Hamburger, yogurt, milk, and bread you know the food that all Americans love to eat.
No one here has mistook me for a celebrity, asked me if I was Beyonce, Nicki Minaj or Tyra Banks (but I have been compared to Rihanna and Beyonce, I wish). Nobody has clutched their wallet, or ran away from me, I have not been called a nigger or monkey or ape etc. (yet at least not by a Japanese person in real life).
I am not taking away from or doubting stories of those who have sadly experienced such harsh words or experiences I am simply saying that you shouldn't fear those things because that is not EVERYONE'S experience so why have fear?! Besides I've been called everything above and under the sun in America and you probably have too. My skin is so thin but I have been conditioned to endure any racist comments that I may receive in the future.
Most Japanese men here are aware of the racism that we endure in America and will even ask if it's okay to say "black" when referencing a person of African descent (which I think is very cute). You are not seen as a black woman but instead as a foreign woman or as I call it a fucking human being! Your color comes second to that and is rarely if ever even mentioned.
However you will have to try harder and put in more effort in general especially if you want more than a one night stand....
The Advantage Point
To be honest you have a big advantage here as a black woman. You have a glass half empty half full kind of situation.
As a minority in America I am used to being stared at. I had a lady (from my own neighborhood) threaten to call the cops because a suspicious black woman (that woman being me) was dropping off a Christmas gift for my mother's friend and I hung it on the door wrong door and took it back placing it on the door next to it (it was a townhouse). She had never seen me before so assumed I was breaking in during broad daylight on a Sunday morning. Anyway let me get out of my feelings....
I don't find it uncomfortable here. Instead of looks of disgust, I generally get looks of curiosity, winks, smiles, waves, hello's, konnichiwa's and compliments from kawaii to "you are charming". However most of your counterparts (aka your white friends) are not used to being the center of attention, stared at as though you are in some sort of circus exhibit. It may sound cool to turn heads everywhere, but even for me it took some getting used to since this happens even more so than in America by far but at least we've had some training already.
I can feel the difference in stares. It's hard to explain. I went out to eat with my white guy friend in my suburban neighborhood (90% white) the waitress was very rude to us but sweet to everyone else the whole restaurant was staring at us. We weren't dating but they didn't know that. We got lots of nasty looks and this was in 2015!
Here in Tokyo people always stare at me! I stand out more than everyone around me, including 99.9% of foreigners because I am dark and can appear to be biracial or possibly Asian (I've been asked countless times if I was half Japanese). I am a foreign black woman with curly hair (sometimes)! I am practically begging for attention by leaving out my house. However when Asian people stare here, it's a warm stare full of amazement. "WOW! She's a black woman! Oh I wonder why is she here (snaps secret picture)?" You have to be relaxed, confident and comfortable with yourself.
Not every time someone stares at you in America it's because they are prejudice either! Maybe they are shocked to see an interracial couple or friendship. Maybe your hair is looking awesome or not so awesome, who knows! You can generally get a sense though, but still there's always an exception to every rule.
I am more comfortable than most of my foreign sisters when out in public as I can easily tune out and switch focus from stares to enjoying the moments and even have the courage to smile or wink back at the cutie eyeing me on the train.
Time Is Money
In general dating here is the same as in America, just more serious and more planning is involved. Men here usually have a plan from the time and day that you meet to the restaurant you will eat at and the activities that you will do. They are great at taking the lead (most of the time) and coming up with date spots and ideas. DO NOT SHOW UP LATE! If you must text and call and apologize profusely (he knows you'll be late because you're a girl but still be polite).
The biggest pro here for me is that men here GENERALLY only date to marry. Which is great for someone who is serious like me and a hopeless romantic. If he doesn't plan to be serious with you you will only meet to fuck and it will generally be late at night for only 1-3 hours.
Japanese men may seem very reserved and hide their feelings but they don't waste their precious time. They spend their whole lives studying and in school and then they spend all day working hard. Their reward is having a beautiful loving woman to come home to. They don't want to invest their time or money into a woman that they wouldn't consider marrying.
Protect Your Heart
This is where you must be very careful and guard your heart (I will make a post about this for foreign women in general later). Not every man that hits on you or asks you out for a drink or coffee is sincere or interested in something serious with you. This hurts but once again it's the truth. Black women and Blonde women have 1 thing in common in Japan. They are rare! Unfortunately many men have fantasies, and bucket lists and have even been dared or promised their friends that they will "hit it" or "score" with one. If you are okay with being used (hey I won't judge you maybe its mutual and goes both ways) then by all means go for it! But if you don't want to end up getting hurt, attached or in your feelings then runaway! Some men are obvious with their obsession or fetish, like the men who proposed to me or talked about getting married or having sex moments after meeting. Those are the oinkers you should stay away from.
The pro to this is that thankfully most Japanese men are very honest. They will tell you how they honestly feel or don't feel if you ask. So ask up front and avoid wasting your own valuable precious time in the long run.
I am always a bit skeptical of a Japanese man who appears to be outgoing because he probably does this as a regular thing. You know hanging around the train station and picking up foreign girls, giving suggestions and directions asking for your LINE etc.. A guy like that will almost certainly be looking for some puhhd by the end of the night and has more than likely successfully found women before you and will continue doing this after you!
Sex Talk About It
This is the weirdest one for me and I don't think this is just a black thing but I will share it here anyway. The men that I have been with both casually and sexually have almost all apologized in advance for being small, not muscular and or hairy.... I personally don't like body hair or muscular men and I'd be a liar if I said size doesn't matter but it is definitely not a deal breaker necessarily for me either. However no woman in her right mind will say that she prefers a man with a small penis unless she just fears that him having a Hisoka in his pants will encourage promiscuous behavior.
Trust me I thought I didn't care about size until I experienced both extremes. That's the sluttiest thing I've said... but it's true.
That lack of confidence is both sad and funny and honestly it is off putting. A total turn off. I don't care if you have a string bean in those sexy dress pants! You should be selling it to me like that pen in "The Wolf of Wall Street". I do appreciate the honesty so I won't complain too much.
To answer your question since you are obviously curious. Yes Japanese men (possibly Asian men in general) are OVERALL on average, small to smaller than their western counterparts.
I can never tell if he is saying this apologetic "my chinko is small speech" because I am a black woman, and as the stereotype goes, all black men have 20 inch dicks.
Penis size is a very sensitive topic for men around the world so this is not something to bring up joke about or talk about unless you are trying to scar him emotionally. In which case you are a bitch! Not all Japanese men are small but most are and even the men who are not small they are only "big for a Japanese guy" (sorry to say and yes I know this is a stereotype I'm such a bad person but this also goes for Japanese women and breast size, just saying). This is a general statement there's exceptions to every rule. Not all black men are big down there. Not all black women are curvy or fat. You get my drift.
Japanese men love panties so cute panties *cough cough* Adore Me, Victoria's Secret, and JCPenney's will be your best friends when it comes to sexy lingerie (ahhh men are so simple it's cute and funny).
Your man will want to bathe and shower with you before and sometimes even after (or during lol) having sex. This way you both know that you are fresh and clean after a long day of work and besides it's fun to bathe together with your man! If he asks you if you want to take a shower that means translation I'd like to fuck you after we are both pristine clean. You turning down this bubbleless-bath-tub invite is a sign to your man that you are either...
#1 Not trying to fuck
#2 A dirty foreign woman who probably has crabs and flying cockroaches in her snatch.
Men like keeping kleenex near the bad to clean up the white stuff (I don't have much experience with men or American men for that matter but Ive been told that kleenex is a common "fap station" necessity and not unique to Japanese men). Japanese men like to kiss and cuddle before and after sex. Japanese men are also VERY clean. They generally smell great! Both their body and hair smells and looks model like. They clean their underwear and clothing and homes. I can count the dirty guys I've seen (never will I date or sleep with one) but they are few and far in-between which is great for you if you don't like dirty raggedy men.
Japanese men are great at foreplay (what that mouth do *cough cough* and them hands)! I will leave a bit to the imagination, but lets just say that he will find spots you didn't even know existed, you will discover new ways and things that turn you on. Japanese men are VERY technique oriented and selfless in bed. The best make-out session, sex, orgasm, Fuck it! My best everything has been with a Japanese man. That is all. If you want something more, less, or different tell him and you will be glad you did. Because he will listen readjust and correct.
During sex you are the main attraction and his job is to please you. Be kind and return the favor! His appreciation of your passion and willingness to please him, the warmth and touch of his soft skin, and the captivating smell of his hair wax will have you coming back for more.
I have no idea as to how little old me would know all of this.....
What Japanese Men Like About Me Personally
After they are done telling me how cute, sexy, or kawaii I am, (sorry there's no way to write this post without sounding like a cocky stuck up douche) compliments become more detailed and sometimes uncomfortably creepy. Of course as I constantly say throughout all of my posts beauty is very subjective. I may be sexy af to one man and the ugliest woman alive to another. Everyone has their own taste. Honestly I think that most men that I've dated don't "like" black women but felt as though I were the exception to the rule. People constantly tell me that I should be a model and stay that I look like Rihanna (I wish).
I've had men tell me they love black women and wish that they were black themselves because "black people are so cool". One date I had knew more about Africa and rap music than I did haha.
 |
| Look at me and my sexiness! |
Lips
Despite the fact that having a small mouth is said to be praised and preferred. I am constantly complimented by men (and occasionally even women) on my sexy full lips. I've been told I'm a great kiser and I already know it! I think my slip n slide tongue and cutie lips are to thank for that.
Now of course just because you have big lips DOES NOT mean that they are cute. It's all about the shape, color and even size (I think there's such thing as too big). Proportion is key! Of course you can't help the way God made you so if he does't like your mouth puncher then fuck him!
Great Big Breastestest
Yes, your boobies are treasured! All men universally like boobs and in particular large boobs. I have done no research on this but I'd say the average person in Japan where's no more than a B cup possibly even an A. Breasts are also not put on display. You can show off your legs if you'd like but your neck line shoulders and your forbidden titters should never be exposed. Thus making them a sight to see. If you are sporting D's (or even C's I'd think) your potential or current loveman will appreciate your rattles. He has also probably never seen or touched if you know what I mean REAL big boobies besides on porn stars on the nets or celebrities in Hollywood movies.
The Curse Of Curves
Most of the men who like me compliment my curves saying that they like my shape or "I like chubby girls" I would rather be called thick like in America but it beats saying I like fat girls. Besides having been overweight my entire life I have come to terms with my mass of... hey watch your mouth!
Those Curls
My hair is really curly. The kind of curly hair you'd get when you get a perm with straight hair. This is not everyone's cup of tea per se but I've met some men who caught me on one of the days in which I was too lazy to straighten my curls and absolutely loved them and was fascinated by their texture.
I've had a few honest dates say that they prefer my hair straight. I had one date get a bit upset that my hair wasn't in it's natural state. He didn't understand why I'd straighten it just to curl it in an unnatural way.
Exotic Overload
As I said before there aren't many black people yet alone black women so you may cause some men to take a double look and of course everyone has preferences just ass you may find Japanese men cute some Japanese men find black girls to be cute as well. I am constantly told that I look exotic between my face complexion and hair it's hard to decide what I am for a lot of people other than the obvious side of my skin being black.
My Voice
I am always being told that I have a sexy or kawaii voice especially when I speak Japanese. One date told me that I am wasting my talent and should be a voice actor (I wish!). I kinda like my voice too haha.
Know Yourself
Don't forget who you are when you come here! Don't lose yourself in all of the crazy subcultures, nightlife and partying here. Having a boyfriend or husband should compliment you, not make you. Don't pick up habits or lifestyles to try and fit in and be pleasing to friends or men. Because that's no fun! You will only end up with a life full of bad decisions, regrets, and will find that those people never loved or cared about you anyway. If he loves you he won't mind that you aren't a party animal or chain smoker (so baby pull me closer in the backseat of.... God I hate that song *pukes*). One night stands, friends with benefits, sex friends, sex on the first date whatever you call it is not I repeat NOT NORMAL IN JAPAN! I don't care what you were told even if it was by a Japanese person. It's a lie! A Japanese man would never ask or expect to have sex with a date or woman he just met. I say you should wait at least 1-2 months and make sure this guy is worth it, and clean.
Don't sell yourself short or cave into that guy who looks just like Cloud from Final Fantasy because he will get up and leave you with a broken heart as soon as he gets what he wants.
Japanese men have been taught that foreign men and women are sex machines and party animals. They think that you are easy to score, play and have fun with. Don't make that stereotype true! Have some class and cover your ass! You don't have to have sex to keep a man. If he really likes you or loves you he won't mind waiting until you get to know each other and feel as though the moment is right. Otherwise you will quickly rack up 1,000 partners in a month. Trust me! I've had some tough choices to make in regards to saying "no" to what I call host guys (because they are so hot you wouldn't believe that they aren't a host guy). I went on a nice date with a guy and he ended up taking me to a hotel in which I had to put my foot down and angrily walk out and find my way home (I was brand new to Japan at the time and didn't even have a phone, anyone who has lived here knows that Google Maps is a lifesaver). It hurt because the whore in me thought he was so cute and perfect and I wanted to, but thankfully I made the right choice and I am now in love with a man who is a million times better than that pig! Don't lose sight of who you are! Don't get rid of your morals because I promise you overtime you think you've seen the cutest Japanese guy and then an even hotter one finds his way into your life. There will be another man! Who knows?! Maybe he won't be Japanese!
The Wrap Up
Most Japanese men prefer to date Japanese women. The ones who do like foreign women would only consider dating a white woman. You have to be feminine and cute if you want a cute Japanese boyfriend no matter what race you are. It is harder to date as a black woman and there are more rules and guidelines for you to follow since simply being foreign is unfortunately not ALWAYS enough for you. White women, just like white men here, can be the ugliest most unattractive being you've ever seen, but because they have blonde or brown hair green or blue eyes and pale skin, they are seen as Carrie Underwood, Britney Spears, Katy Perry, Justin Timberlake,Keith, Urban, or Chris Hemsworth (fuck he's hot) or whatever sexy Caucasian celebrity you can think of. Fat or thin, ugly or cute it doesn't matter she's white, so she's exotic and beautiful. The same does not apply for you ALL the time but most of the time I'd say it still does because well, you're still exotic and cool because you're foreign.
I felt like I was the shit and was getting all of the konnichiwa's and kawaii's that Japan had to offer until I hung out with my friends (there's like almost no black people in Japan especially women) and saw that number quadruple.
Yes it makes you jealous. Yes it is heartbreaking, but once again it's life and life is not meant to be fair.
Once again don't take my word for it! Come to Tokyo and go out alone and then with your friends go to a few bars and clubs, go out at a few restaurants sit in the lounge at school watch as the magic unfolds.
Yes, as a black woman you can get a Japanese boyfriend! You can get a Japanese boyfriend who is hot and even out of your league. You can find plenty of men here who are serious about you. Relationships are possible and so are marriages between black women and Japanese men. They aren't common because there isn't a lot of interest on either side, nor are there a lot of black women in Japan so we are not even an option for most men here.
I personally like Japanese men and I prefer dating here than dating in America. I like that the purpose is much more clear, men here are more serious and mature and very family oriented.
Sorry I Ate Your Pie
I am aware that I am going to get a lot of hate for this, but I don't care. I wanted to hear the truth and I learned it the hard way since everyone was so scared to give an HONEST review or opinion on the dating scene here in Tokyo. So now I want to share my honest perspective with you! I know that some smart ass of color (or someone who knows someone) can't wait to tell us all about their happy marriage to the ugliest man in Japan (I kid I kid) and that's great but that's not the point I'm making!
I am sharing the reality of dating here. Anyone can find someone anywhere, but it won't be easy. Depending on what you're working with you might have to take that up with Jesus! Sure you can get a boyfriend or even a husband but is he unattractive, short and stocky (is he even your type)? If that's your type more power to you!
Fuck my opinion! What matters is if you can find a man that YOU like and that YOU think is attractive. My Japanese and Chinese friends gag at the sight of most of the men that I drool over and vice versa because I view beauty differently because I am American (in America beauty is very subjective there's no one size fits all in Asia there's more of a cookie cutter look you must achieve to be beautiful).
If you like him and he's yours than nothing and no one else really matters. This post is not to make you feel ashamed or unwanted. I just wanted to warn you that everything is not cupcakes and rainbows when it comes to dating here as a black woman as every post and video I've seen makes it out to be that way. I also don't want my white-sisters to feel ashamed, guilty, or angry for being who they are! Hey you win! You're lucky! You can't help the fact that you were born the way you are! This is just to shed some light on a touchy and controversial subject for black women in particular since there are few black people (especially women) in Japan and even fewer who make videos or blogs here.
I will eventually upload a YouTube video on AMBW dating in Japan.
This post is full of generalizations and stereotypes. Yes we all know there's an exception to every rule Captain Obvious. Every man is different but every culture is also different to so this article is simple meant to share my perceptions and experiences on dating Asian men in Japan.
Feel free to bitch, complain, disagree, argue or riot in the comments below! Because as always people love to get offended welcome to the internet!
I'd love to hear your stories and experiences with Japanese guys whether you are a black or white woman doesn't matter Please share your experience or feel free to ask any questions about dating that I didn't answer.
For my general post on dating as a foreign women please use the search box on my blog OR click this link below....
Stay Tuned!
