25 Q&A’s About Dating a Japanese Man: Answering All of Your Questions About What It's Like Being With a Japanese Man

25 Q&A’s About Dating a Japanese Man: Answering All of Your Questions About What It's Like Being With a Japanese Man

I am constantly asked questions about Japanese men almost every week since I came to Japan. A lot of women from all over the world are curious about what it’s like to date a Japanese men thanks to anime, porn, hentai,books, news articles, YouTubers, and random stories that you’ve heard from your friends and family that have been to Japan.

I am going to answer all of your questions in both a blog and a video on YouTube. As you can probably imagine there is no way to answer you guys’ questions without stereotyping or generalizing an entire race but there are obviously differences in culture based on race and nationality and Japan is no different! Now to contradict that last sentence, it goes without saying that there will of course be individual exceptions to every rule but this blog post will talk about the overwhelming majority based off of the men my foreign friends and I have personally been with as well as the answers that I received from both my Japanese male & female friends. Obviously I haven’t been with every man so I cannot speak for everyone but after 2 years of dating, gossiping, and asking my friends personal questions, I can give you some pretty general answers based off of my personal experiences and observations. As always feel free to be defensive and get offended in the comments down below.

1.) Do Japanese men like foreign women?

Japanese men love foreign women. White black Hispanic dark or light skin, it doesn't matter as long as you are cute and exotic looking. The beauty standards that you read and hear about are beauty standards for Japanese women. As a foreign woman you will not be held to the same standard. Most of the men here actually like foreign women because they look so different and have more curvaceous bodies and diverse features.    

      

2.) Do Japanese men have small dicks?

 Yes! On average most Japanese men are very small. The best sex that I’ve had and the biggest I’ve been with was a Japanese man. However it's no secret that their are traits which can be more commonly found in amongst different races. Even Japanese men know that they're generally smaller (on average) than their western counterparts and so they will often apologize for this. Are all Japanese men small? Of course not! 

3.) Are Japanese men good at going down on women? 

Japanese men are NOT selfish in bed and tend to focus a lot on pleasing their partner through oral sex kissing, hugging, cuddling etc. often times more than they focus on themselves although this can also stem from being insecure about their penis size and ability to perform well. As always every man is different and you can come across men who are bad in bed and that are selfish.

4.) Is it true that you have to take a shower before sex?

 Japanese men like to shower before and rinse off again after sex it's unusual for your partner to go straight to bed after sex. To not do so is seen as dirty but some people don't care.

5.) Do Japanese men like to cuddle?

Yes and no. Japanese men like to cuddle as much as an American guy does but eventually they will want to turn their back towards you and go to sleep and snore until you wake up.

6.) Are Japanese men short?

Yes they are but unless you’re a really tall girl, most men here will still be a few inches taller than you. About 3-4 inches taller on average. 

7.) Are Japanese men romantic?

Japanese men aren't romantic. They aren't really affectionate either,r but if he is internationalized and knows anything about foreign women he will generally be willing to embarrass himself by attempting to be or do romantic things to make you happy.

8.) Do Japanese men date/plan dates?

Yes! They’re great at planning dates (a nice fancy restaurant, themed restaurant, a kawaii cafe, an outdoor picnic, upscale hotel bar or a fancy karaoke bar are all common dates.

9.) Do they buy gifts for their girlfriends?

They’re great at buying gifts. Designer handbags, expensive perfume, and sexy lingerie are gifts that you can expect year around.

10.) Are Japanese men dishonest about their marital/relationship status?

They're “honest” but ONLY  if you ask them to be. They’ll tell you how they feel, about their past, what they did or plan to do, if they’re married, have kids, are divorced etc..

11.) Do Japanese men ignore your calls, emails, and texts for days or weeks at a time (slow texters)?

If he really loves you he will text you whenever he's not working, from the bathroom stall, his desk, during his 1 hour lunch break, during the train ride to or from work, or as soon as he wakes up. They don’t work as much as you may think! If he isn’t texting you throughout the day he probably isn’t serious about you and your’e missing some hints.

12.) Do Japanese men send good morning texts?

Most Japanese men also text good morning and goodnight everyday to their girlfriends.

13.) I like Japanese men but I’m worried that I won’t be able to find a boyfriend. Do they like dark, tall, fat women?

Most men don’t hold Japanese standards for their foreign women.They’re men not robots! They each have their own individual taste in women. If they wanted a girl who looked or acted Japanese they'd have dated one! Don’t worry about your weight or height it just makes you even more exotic and sexy because you’ll stand out in a sea full of goldfish you're like the sexy beta fish (just don’t act like one).

14.) I like Japanese men but I think I’m too old to find a man do they like older women?

Most men here do care about your age and if you're over 30 (especially over 40) you will be openly referred to as an obaasan (meaning grandma or old lady in Japanese). However a lot of men are willing to date older women and there are a lot of single older men both divorced and never married who are intelligent, sexy, financially stable, gentlemen, and bilingual

15.) Is it true that Japanese men aren’t gentlemen?

Most men here aren’t gentlemen most of the time. Aside from hanging your coat, choosing the less comfortable chair, and occasionally holding a door if he can remember to he will not go out of his way to make sure that you’re first, but usually he will offer to pay for the date. 

It’s a bit embarrassing for a girl to pick up the tab OR for you to split it with one.You should still offer to pay him back later or treat to treat him next time though!

16.) Is PDA okay in Japan?

It’s not illegal but it’s looked down upon to do anything frisky or sexually suggestive in public. Most men are simply shy about kissing or holding hands and public because it’s not commonly done here so it will draw eyes to the two of you. They won’t mind giving you a quick kiss and hug before departing at the end of a date though. 

If he’s more outgoing he will hold your hand as you walk around during your dates and kiss you on the lips or even makeup with you in public. You see it sometimes, but it’s not as commonly done here as it is in America.

17.) Do Japanese men move in with their girlfriends before they get married?

 If he is serious about you and you’ve been together for a little while he won’t mind moving in with you as long as you are okay with it.

18.) Is it weird if he doesn’t tell his friends and family about you?

 Yes and no. If he likes you he will introduce you to his friends ASAP and even his family after you’ve been together for some time. If he plans to marry in the future he doesn’t want to blow the first impression so it’s not unusual for this to take as long as a year or 2 before he arranges a day for you to meet them especially if they live in another prefecture. His family doesn’t care to meet his one night stand or summer fling so for most men this is a big step to take but for some family’s meeting you isn’t a big deal as he may have introduced his other female friends to his family before and thus you’ll appear to just be another “good friend” of his and not their potential daughter in law. 

19.) When do men propose?

 Most men prefer to get married close to or a little after 30. They prefer to have graduated from their university, have a good savings, a stable career, a good resume, and of course to have enjoyed their 20’s kid and commitment free.

20.) Who pays for the wedding?

You’ll both pay for the wedding about 50/50. His family & your family will also help with the planning and cover the expenses. It’s very similar to how it’s don in America however your friends will be expected to give you gifts of several hundred dollars 

21.) Do they lick ears, eyes, toys, backs of knees, armpits, faces, and bellybuttons?

Ahh good old porn and educational hentai! Yes some of them do but not every man is into this.

22.) Do they expect you to be a housewife?

Yes most men here are very traditional and culturally will expect you to do the chores, cook, clean, discipline and educate the children. Women here are taught how to do these things as young girls by their mother and relatives and most are okay with doing so and expect their man to work to provide for the family and help to by taking out the trash as well as taking over mommy duties during the weekend.

23.) Do they prefer big butts or breasts?

Different men have deferent fetishes. Most men prefer a woman with big boobs over a large butt but against depends on the man.

24.) Will he be okay with me working or making more money than he does if we get married?

Most men nowadays won’t really mind so much and will understand that because you’re a foreigner this is what you want to do however others a traditionalist and want to make their parents and grandparents proud by being the sole provider for their family. It all depends on the man but MOST won’t mind and some will actually expect you to keep working after getting married and having children especially if he is working a low paying job or if he was a gaijin hunter. 

There are gold digging men here in Japan too!

25.) Is it okay for me to initiate sex Do Japanese men not like sex?

You probably read the same articles that I did when I was a teen before I came to Japan. Yes it is okay! You might find some super old fashioned man that gets creeped out about you being open about your sexual desires but most men will actually find this to be really hot especially since most Japanese women are super shy about sex since it is culturally taboo and not ladylike for a woman to well “talk dirty”. 

As a foreign woman they stereotypically expect you to be this way [open about your sexual desires] anyway!

Also no that is not true! Japanese men LOVE sex arguably more than their western counterparts, but they simply don’t have the time, space or money for it. The homes here are small, a lot of men live with their families until they get married, salaries are low,and work hours are long. It’s hard to find enough time, energy, or money to even get in the mood when you still have to eat dinner, clean up the house, prepare for tomorrow’s work day, and shower.

However the sex and porn industry here is huge. Men spend hundreds of dollars a month at clubs, bars, brothels and they desperately scour through dating apps looking for cheap, free, and easy women everyday. 

Have any other embarrassing or strange questions to ask or answers to someone else’s? Please feel free to leave a comment down below and help a fellow sister out!

Stay Tuned!

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25 Signs That You're Dating a Japanese Fuckboy

Everyone thinks that Japanese men are some sort of rare species of men and that they can do no wrong. Despite the fact that they may have a lot of cultural differences that affect the way that think and behave they are still men at heart and thus they generally like and want the same things that any other man from around the world would and those things include sex with exotic and sexy women. I have dated a ton of Japanese men many of which I am not proud of and would rather erase from my memory, but hey we all make mistakes right?

Since I have been played, lied to and tricked on several occasions I dedicated my final days in Tokyo while living at Sakura House to informing all of my European & Asian friends of the players that have unfortunately infected the dating pool here whenever I'd overhear them talking about a bad date or a guy giving them mixed signals.

Just like you as a foreign woman are curious about Japanese men they too are also very curious about foreign women. They also have their own stereotypes about you too! It's no secret that most women believe that Asian men have small dicks, and are very short and thin in stature. Japanese men also believe that foreign women love sex, are overly confident, curvaceous or fat, and radical feminists (which unfortunately means free sex, no drinks, gifts, dressing up, or fancy & expensive dinner dates necessary to score in bed to a Japanese man). This means that they stereotypically believe that they can get the best of both worlds. He can save his money and time by cutting straight to the point and without having to invest in you physically, financially, or emotionally and he also gets to have sex with a "better looking" woman. In Japan foreign women (and men) are viewed as being much more beautiful as they have exotic features big eyes, light colored eyes, pale skin, light colored hair, large breasts, and are believe to be very open with their sexuality. To a lot of guys you're like a free escort. The good news is that Japanese people are bad liars. Once you learn how to play the game you'll be able to detect a fuckboy from a mile away. It's really not that hard to trust your gut.

As always this is not everyone of course! There are exceptions to every rule, but in general if the man that you're seeing has done any or most of these 25 things it's time to cut him off and let him go before you waste anymore of your time, money, or love on this jerk.

This is my boyfriend (who is not a fuckboy or a jerk haha) but he certainly does look like one in this picture. To be fair he only pulled out his phone when I did and he actually just finished taking pictures of me eating and texted them to me haha.

Please watch my YouTube video on this topic here...

25 Signs That You're Dating a Japanese Fuckboy

1.) He Tells You That He Loves You

In Japanese saying "I love you" is not a commonly used phrase so it has no real meaning. Thanks to Netflix and American movies a lot of people stereotypically believe that by saying this line you can manipulate a woman into sleeping with you.

2.) He Talks About Your Body Explicitly or Touches You in Public 

Instead of giving you appropriate gentleman like compliments he flat out tells you that you have oppai (large breasts). He has no fear of inappropriately brushing up against your breasts with his hands or butt in public without your permission.

3.) He Tells You That He Hates Asian Women 

He rambles about how immature, unattractive, hard to please, and lazy his own race or nationality is (Japanese/Asian).

4.) All of His Exes Are Foreigners

There's a pattern. He seems to have exclusively choose to see with non-Japanese women despite living in a homogenous society.

5.) He's a Reverse Weaboo 

He tells you how much he loves American music, movies, magazines, and actors. He uses English on all of his social media. He mostly follow and is friends with foreigners. He attends international parties and frequents gaijin bars. He tells you how bad and boring Japanese entertainment is or simply never watches it. He has random white women/celebrities as his screen saver, LINE chat background or plastered on his walls around his home.

6.) He Has Gaijin Fever

He is obsessed with foreigners. He wants to meet your friends, asks to visit your share house, exclusive dates them, has a lot of foreign friends, has countless photos of himself playing "tour guide" with strangers that he met online around his home or on his Instagram. He expresses that he relates to them more/better. He has a strong preference for foreign women due to stereotypical reasons such as believing that they're all easy to sleep with radical feminists AKA you won't expect him to pay for dinner (See number 3-5 above).

7.) He Wants to Be Your Boyfriend

Unless you asked him first or made him feel pressured into it most Japanese men prefer to be single until they've graduated from college, been working for at least a year or are at least financially stable, and have their own apartment. Unlike in America people date her with the intention to marry not just for sex & fun so if he is quick to proclaim his love for you and wants to make it official too soon this could be a major red flag. Also consider when did he ask you to be his girlfriend or to be your man. Was it after you rejected a kiss or to go to his home and sleep with him? Its probably a cruel trick.

8.) He Insists on Having Dates at Your Home, His Home or a Love Hotel

He wants to save money and avoid trying to wine & dine you. He may also be married or in a serious relationship with someone else so he doesn't want to be seen with you in public. Why buy the cow when the milk is free?! If he can lure you into his home or a sketchy sex themed place he will figure that it won't be too hard to get you to undress, suck him off, and let him play with your breasts. He doesn't want to waste his time ad money taking a train to see you especially if he plans to bring you back to his home.

9.) He Asks You to Lie About Your Relationship

If you do meet his friends and family he will ask you to lie about how you two met or he will tell you to pretend like you're just friends and nothing more. 

10.) He's Only Focused on Himself During Sex

He doesn't care about making you cum. All that matters is that he gets off and can check off "fucked a blonde & a black girl" from his bucket list and brag to his friends later. However don't be fooled some guys won't mind going down on you and will still  try to please you as well.

11.) He Doesn't Want You to Meet His Family, Friends or Coworkers

He makes up excuses or seems uncomfortable with having you  meet some of the most important people in his life. He wants to hide you from his friends, family, and coworkers. He wants his promiscuous sex life to stay behind closed doors. He can't take all of his friends with benefits and one night stands to meet his family or boss. While you shouldn't expect this on a first date if you've been seeing each other for a while he should invite you to meet his friends, family, and senpai/kohai (seasoned and unseasoned colleagues). If he doesn't it's because he has something to hide and is probably playing you.

12.) He's Always Too Busy to Text or Call You

He only calls you when you're supposed to be meeting up for beer & sex otherwise he tells you he doesn't like to talk on the phone. He conveniently ignores yours texts and makes uno excuses later for why it took so long for him to read your messages despite the fact that EVERY Japanese man has their phone in their hands or in their pocket 24/7 at work, on the train, in the bathroom, at the table, and even besides their bed. He only contacts you when he's horny and/or bored. If he does call he only wants to video chat so that he can see you and take screenshots or ask you for phone sex or to flash him.

13.) He's Secretive and Doesn't Tell You Anything Personal About Himself 

He only asks about you and other foreigners. He doesn't say much about himself. He doesn't want you to look him up or know much of anything about his personal life because he doesn't see you in his future. You're just a gaijin sex doll to him. If he does share anything personal its vague, a lie, or only partially true.

14.) He Always Wants to Split The Bill, Forgets His Wallet or Asks for You to Pay The Tab 

He conveniently doesn't want to act like a normal Japanese man would when he's with you. In Japan most men feel embarrassed if a woman (whose not their mom or sister etc.) pays for their meal or splits the bill. If he pulls the feminist card on you and says he thought that since you're American you'd be offended so he didn't plan on paying for you (didn't bring enough money), pretends to have forgotten his wallet at work or home, or has no shame in flat out telling you how much you owe him he's not serious about you and just wants sex. His goal is to save money and have sex which is exactly part of the reason why foreign women are "such a steal".

15.) He Takes You Out to Cheap and Sketchy Izakaya's, Karaoke, and Gaijin Bars 

His goal is simply to get you drunk fas so that you will have sex with him. He is not trying to impress you or make sure that you're full. He just wants you to lower your morals and convince you to come back to a hotel or his home after a few 250 yen drinks. When or if you do go out to eat it's at a fast food or family restaurant and it wasn't formally planned.

16.) You Always Have Sex When You Meet

He never just wants to play games at the arcade, darts, pool, or enjoy a nice meal together. If he does any of this things with you sex is always followed shortly after or before with rare exceptions. He generally only wants to meet you after dark or early to take advantage of happy hour and avoid rush hour traffic. Once you're done having sex he sends you off to your home that evening or first thing in the morning. if you try to stick around he will tell you that he needs to study at the library, meet with his friends or go to work.

17.) He Makes Vague Plans and Sometimes Cancels Them Suddenly

He tells you he wants to go drinking on Friday but doesn't say where or gives a vague location such as near Shinjuku Station. He might not even tell you what time to meet him or what the plans are but simply that he wants to see you that evening. He doesn't care about your personal life and its plans. He doesn't check if you're free or available in advance. It's all about him. He might even cancel at the last minute because he's too tired for sex, or he found a new and possibly hotter girl to have sex with for the night.

 18.) He Makes No Effort to Get to Know You

He doesn't care if you think sushi is gross and are passionate about french toast and hamburgers. He never asks what your major is, if you think cats are cute, or is your favorite color is pink, and I Love You Man is your favorite movie. The more he gets to know you the closer he'll get to you and the guiltier he will feel. He doesn't care because once again you're just an easy foreigner to sleep with. He doesn't see you in his future.

19.) He Asks For Nudes

He has no shame in telling you that he's horny and wants to add a few pictures and videos to his bedtime fap collection. He insists that you help him get off before or after you meet. Even worse he might ask or take pictures and/or video of you without your consent. 

20.) He Blames You for Everything

If things go bad on your date or you call him out for being a fuckboy or catch him in a lie he tells you that he thought this is what you wanted and insists that it's all your fault because you choose him. He doesn't apologize for lying to you and instead accuses you of misunderstanding his culture as well as the terms of your "not relationship".

21.) He Uses His Phone During Dates 

Instead of getting to know you, applying some lip balm, or checking his reflection to make sure there's no yakitori, or seaweed stuck in-between his teeth he'd rather be on his phone. He doesn't mind being rude and whipping out his phone to text or even call back other girls and/or to make plans with his friends or FWB's during your dates in order to avoid being bored to death hearing you talk about how much you love anime and cat cafes.

22.) He's Over Protective of His Phone and Computer

If you go to his home and ask to use either he makes up excuses that seem much deeper than someone trying to hide the fact that they have a fetish, watch porn, search for answers to strange things, or were busy stalking you, but more so that he is hiding other women who he has saved pictures, videos, and messages from. he may have dates saved in his calendar, fear that a girl might send something to him while you're using his phone or computer or simply afraid that he may have left notes or passwords to his dating site profiles and subscriptions.

23.) He Never Asks to Take Pictures Together 

He doesn't want to take couples pictures. Every Japanese couple has been to Purikura at least twice. If he doesn't asks you to to go somewhere fun, relaxing or beautiful with him to snap a few pictures with BOTH of your phones then it's orb ably because he knows it's a waste of his money and he doesn't want waste any memory on his phone or time going back and deleting them. Also he ins't okay with you taking his picture either as he doesn't want you to expose him or search for him later. Having a picture together could also be used as blackmail if he's married or romantically involved with another woman.

24.) He Says He's Not Ready For a Relationship

He's more than ready to have sex with you but he claims that he doesn't know what he wants in life yet, tells you he's too young to get married or have children, and that he wants to focus on his job and taking care of his family. He tells you to find a better or nicer guy than himself. This guy is clearly being selfish and simply trying to get what he wants which is sex. He doesn't care if you're pushing 30, you've been talking for over a year or that he expects sex from you every weekend. You wanting to take things the next step is "moving too fast for him". An exclusive relationship is out of the question and marriage is an absolute NO.

25.) He Doesn't Post Pictures of You on His Social Media

Japanese men always follow their girlfriends on Instagram & Twitter (if they they have one) and will gladly befriend you on Facebook. If he seems hesitant to do so claims to not have once or use his, then it's probably because he doesn't want you to see the other girls he's playing too. He knows that women aren't stupid and will piece everything together. He wants to maintain the appearance of being single and available to any other woman who comes his way and obviously having you plastered on his timeline will deter most (not all) women from contacting him.

Always trust your gut! If you ever feel uncomfortable or like something isn't right about the man that you're seeing then it's probably not because you have OCD or that you are crazy but your brain is trying to get you to ignore your heart for a second and see things for what they are. If you have to ask if it's real then it probably isn't.

Do you have any advice on dating Japanese men or on how to avoid the bad guys? Feel free to leave a comment below and help out some of the other ladies who are in similar situations to what you have been through or that you are currently going through.

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